Graphics card for Via Domus, Fanatic About Film

It took a long time but it's finally here. One of the greatest threads of all time. This guy is just so fuckin' funny. Seriously. Unlike Bonjovi, it's hard to feel sorry for him, because he's so damn confrontational, and it basically began over nothing. Now, not all of his most famous quotes are here, because some were in spin-off threads, but it's still a good read. I'd like to thank everyone who contributed this, but particularly Ze, Crichton and Ginnov, who were consistently brilliant throughout. I love how Ginnov starts off being the only one to help the guy, but eventually even he gives up against the brick wall of idiocy that is FaF, and delivers an amazing speech. Great character arc. This isn't the whole thing, and I switched some bits around to make it more readable. Anyone who has some of the missing bits, feel free to send it me and I'll correct it. For now, enjoy the angry ramblings of a man who doesn't know when to quit.



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Hi bought anew laptop but dont really know much about computers. How do i check what graphics card i have, and once i do that, can someone tell me if it will play the lost computer game, thanks.

Really need your help on this.



FANATIC ABOUT FILM: anyone?????

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: I don't know how to check what graphics card you have, but I do know the Banyan trees provide cover. Hide inside the hollowed roots and you should be safe.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: thanks idiot

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: You score a get out of jail free card?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: "f" u prick. You sad little boy. Ever kissed a girl? Or do you spend every second of the day on imdb posting every 20 seconds?????

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: Hey son, over here. I'm over here, at the Banyan trees.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: ha ha more useless drivel. what else you got that makes no sense? So as you didnt answer the question, have you ever kissed a girl? I think we all know the answer to that, but please tell us if we are wrong. Are you still a virgin? awwwww poor little you. Are you get scared of girls?

ERMINE FURS ADORN: Funny you should mention that because he actually posted a pic here once kissing his hot-ass girlfriend while holding up a piece of paper that said "suck it Lost board". His girlfriend was hot as hell.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: it makes sense

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: haha yeah i believe that. Who are you morons, his bitches or something. This guy has never been near a girl. How much has he paid you to say this, and what kind of loser would post a picture just for the benefit of imdb. A complete loser thats who. But i bet he couldnt show the picture now, because it never happened. You sad pricks. Haha, carry on masturbating over each other.

ERMINE FURS ADORN: Why should anyone do anything for you after you started berating people? You can’t even figure out what type of graphics card you have or even know how to google the instructions.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: What's new on the Shop Talk Writers board? Talk about shops I should imagine.

ANDREWRKROPP-I: what do this have to do with the tv show lost?

KING OF BOB: http://www.systemrequirementslab.com/referrer/srtest
You know, all you're doing by insulting Ze is making it obvious to everyone just how easy it is to get under your skin. Now many posters will be taking advantage of that.

DARKERHEART: There never was a Japanese girlfriend. That whole thing was just a charade. It wasn't him kissing that girl in the picture, either. Yes, Salesman isn't the most social of people... but he's Salesman. People accept him for who he is - even if he sometimes (often?) acts like a troll.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Act like a troll. Buddy you either are a troll or your not one. An he most definitely is a troll. With no social skills. A compulsive liar and a pathetic idiot who actually thinks he is funny. He loves to annoy people. He is the lowest of the low. And to the other poster who says I started berating people?????????????? He spoiled a part of the game for me. Would you like it if i gave you spoilers for an episode you haven't seen yet. No you would. So shut up u little b*tch.

ANDREWKROPP-I: why you respond to my post? F_U!

GINNOV: He quoted a character from the game. He didn't reveal important plot information. That's not a spoiler. There's no need to freak out over a little internet joke. Calm down and try focusing on the question you want answered. Calling someone a bitch will get you nowhere. I can tell you that most of the people on this board have not played Lost: Via Domus. You could try the actual board for the game if you want to get answers for your problems.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: He quoted a chracter from the game?????????????? What? He told me a aprt of the game that i haven't done yet, he spoiled information for me when i didn't ask for any. A game like lost works by figuring out a mystery for yourself, you interact with it. I wanted to figure it out for myself and he spoiled that. Ginnov, do you understand what i am saying????????????? Therefore this guy is a d*ck. He is obviously a d*ck anyway if you care to look back at any of his posts to any one of a million threads. He has nothing useful to say, just mindless drivel. He is wasting his life away one second at a time. He's pathetic.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: Locke helps Elliot Maslow off the island at the end.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: oh *beep* i almost read that. See this guy is a total first class A-hole? Can you say he's not ginnov??????? *beep* what is your girlfriends name if you have one. *beep* i remember, you can't answer that becasue you dont have one. You have not even remotely tried to defend yourself with this concern. Can it be true that your a total virgin loser. Who sits on his computer all day long wacking off to pictures of Buffy and Scully photos your sad little nerd.

KING OF BOB: The game isn't canon to the show anyway, so spoilers are irrelevant. It's a *beep* game, reading spoilers is probably the best way to find out this information.

GINNOV: Yes, he quoted a character from the game. Like I said, he quoted something that has little to no importance on the plot of the game. It's not part of the story or mystery. In fact, as I'm guessing you're already a fan of Lost, it's something you already know, yet it's so unimportant that it probably wouldn't even come to mind. That's how meaningless it really is. And you think ZeBlackRockSalesman is wasting his life away one second at a time? I'd say you're doing the same thing for every second you spend bitching about some guy on the internet and not trying to figure out your graphics card issue. And easy on the question marks, save some for the rest of us.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: ginnov, do you have some serious reading difficulty or what? Look, at his first response to me, look look, look now, no one is hiding anything look look lok now. He spoiled part of it for me. (he didn't reveal any character name) What dont you understand? Please what simple part of this are you not understanding. Lost Via Domus, that this thread is about, is the videogame version of Lost. He spoiled for me a part of the game. The point is that it is full of mysteries that i have to figure out for myself. I dont wanbt to be told the answers to them. I want to do it myself. Thats the whole point of playing a GAME. Hellloooooooo.

GINNOV: Before I say anything let me ask you this: have you found the answer to your question yet? I personally do not know the answer, I'm only here because I'm trying to help you find it by asking you to stop your useless posting about people who you think are virgins or idiots or dicks and actually actively seek the answer. Once again, I point you toward the IMDb board for the game, which in my personal opinion is a great place to find an answer to a question about the game; it's almost certainly a better place for information than on the board for the television show. Here, I'll even post you a link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0815191/board I hope you are no longer reading, because that means you actually chose to stop wasting your time complaining and sought after the information you need. But if you are still reading I might as well go on. You asked me to look at the first response by ZeBlackRockSalesman. I did. In case you forgot what he actually said, here it is: “I don't know how to check what graphics card you have, but I do know the Banyan trees provide cover. Hide inside the hollowed roots and you should be safe.” and here’s how you responded: “thanks idiot”. Interesting. You didn't seem so upset about having been "spoiled" back then. Tell me, at what point did it actually get into your head that you had somehow been spoiled? Do you even know what the character is saying in that quote? It's so vague in nature, it doesn't even reveal what you're supposed to be hiding from. It's equivalent to a character saying "Go down that path, you're supposed to go that way." You don't know which way it is, and you don't know why you're going that way. Unless you are already playing the game, it should have no meaning to you whatsoever. If you've read anything about Lost: Via Domus, you would know that the game does not reveal any new additions to the story line of Lost. The game is non-canon, meaning that anything in the game that has not been shown in the show cannot be said to be a authentic part of the show's continuity. The only parts of the game that are real mysteries, which you seem so keen to discover on your own, pertain solely to the individual story of the non-canonical main character of the game, Elliot Maslow. The quote in question falls in the category of things a viewer of Lost should already know, because characters on the show have been shown to do exactly that for exactly the same purpose on several occasions; thus, nothing has been spoiled for you. No mystery, no hidden plot you are meant to unravel, no reason to waste your time being so angry with someone on the internet. I'm starting to think you're some lame sort of troll, because no one who is even remotely serious would be this idiotic. This will be probably be my last post on the matter, since I cannot see any way to make what I'm trying to say any clearer. Again, I urge you to find out about the damn graphics card and play the game already.

STOPYFUEH: Wait, what did he spoil? That there are banyan trees in the game? Seriously?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Ginnov if i thought you actually cared whether or not that i found mthe answer to my original question i would tell you, but i dont think you care, so i wont bother. good advice however on the board for the videogame, however as thousands of people tend to be on this lost board i just poresumed it woyuld be quicker to get an answer. Yet as is always the case i always get inundated by trolls, tand then strangelky enough, people who then defend the trolls, which i have never figured out.

GINNOV: don't care? I write long-ass posts trying to help you and you say I don't care? I'm one of the few people in this thread who actually wants you to figure out your graphics card problem, most people in here are just farming you for comedic material. I care enough to continue a conversation over the internet with someone I don't know, taking the time to write long posts absent of swears or insults, which is more than I can say for you. One of the first things you do upon not receiving the answer you want is call someone a virgin. If you care even a tiny bit about a serious conversation, maybe you should avoid falling into childish insults. I don't care about who pisses you off or who did what first, it's immature and counter-productive. Maybe you're right, I am wasting my time. As easy as it would be right now to pepper you with insults and profanities, I like to think of myself as a nice person. So goodbye, good luck, have fun with your game if you ever get around to playing it.

[Post deleted]

KOUNELAKI: Can you believe some people repeatedly delete their posts, change their names then post threads about suicide?

BADROBOT22: Exactly. It's an absolute joke. I once came onto IMDb looking for information on a graphics card for my video game called "Grand Bowling", and someone told how the game ends. I couldn't even play it after that. It just ruined it.

THIRD ISLAND: Whenever I play the arcade game, Silver Strike, I always put "CPN" as my name. It's an homage to a grand captain.

[Post deleted]

THIRD ISLAND: Why are you asking me this, Mr. Fanatic? Do you also have an obsession with Grant Bowler? Or do you hate Silver Strike?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: third island, are you a troll as well, maybe you'll answer the question. Have you ever kissed a girl, or do you just spend all day trolling and masturbating on the internet like a good little geek. Do you still live with your mommy?

THIRD ISLAND: No, yes, yes and yes.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: well dont worry virgin, it will happen for you one day, maybe.

THIRD ISLAND: I hope so, I'm almost 50 years old

CANTHOLDME187: I think he's coming on to you Third.

THIRD ISLAND: *fingers crossed*

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: "The 50 Year Old Virgin" - Thought you would have learned how to not act like a complete prick by now! I guess some dickheads never learn!

CANTHOLDME187: That's hilarious.

THIRD ISLAND: You just made me cry for a straight hour

CANTHOLDME187: I've been crying for a gay hour.

DARKERHEART: Grand Bowling > Lost: Via Domus

THIRD ISLAND: I actually like Silver StrIke more than Lost: Via Domus.

ROSE BEAVER: I like spitting at my cat more than Lost: Via Domus.

AQUARIAN GUY: You seem very obsessed with little boys and virgins.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Am I? Who said anything about LITTLE boys. I think it might be you who has them on the mind? You sicko.

AQUARIAN GUY: They are so tender. And taste like honey.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: "F" u pevert.

AQUARIAN GUY: I'll keep my manhole nice and warm for you.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: awwww thats a shame, whatever your dad did to you when you were younger must have been very troubling for you, but it doesn't make us all freaks, just you. Go get laid somewhere else fag. I'm sure theres plenty of public toilets you can find.

AQUARIAN GUY: When we get married, for our honeymoon, you and I can go to Taiwan and feast on all the young boys there. I hear their peckers get extra hard with fanatics like you.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: wow, good one aquapissguy, keep talking, yourmaking yourself sound like such a great human being. Have you ever had any psychological help you child molesting freak?

GINNOV: How's that game?

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: What is it, like checkers?

GINNOV: Not really, it’s a better game than..checkers. Or is it?

TOMWILLIS: Their dice weren’t made out of plastic, there dice were made out of boooones

CRICHTONT88: Wutever thanks for nothing.

GINNOV: I’m now going anyway, I think I’ve proven I was right.

ZAMOT: This thread is awesome. You got the game working yet?

MISTERLOPAN: Probably threw the damn thing out the window because he couldn't find the "any" key.

THEMYSTEROUSGROWL: Ze wins so much it's not even funny

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: "Oh ze wins so much its not even funny" - wow this is starting to sound a bit faggy. Have you sucked his love pump yet? ..and holy *beep* if you care to look at *beep* recent postings you'll see he has posted over 65 times in the last day. Helllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that number again was 65! He must never leave the house, you think thats a winner???????? Thats a loser if ever i saw one, he was born to lose. He has never been out of the house, never had a friend, or never kissed a girl, ever. He is a mega virgin. Hey, but you sucking him off might make that different mysteriousfag! You follow me across from inglourios basterds, leave a lame faggy compliment for your new boyfriend, then he foolows you back across to inglorious basterds. Both fo you please stop writing on my posts, i dont want to see your gay relationship unfolding on screen please.

GINNOV: I don't know if anyone has mentioned this to you before, but you're a tad homophobic. You should try to be a little more tolerant and accepting. p.s. you play that game yet?

CRICHTONT88: He does seem a tad obsessed, doesn't he? Ya ask me, I think he's a little himself, and he's just lashing out.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Your right i am obsessed. Ok have i used the fag word too much, maybe i have, but please blackpoosalesman, please atleast just tell us all if you have kissed a girl, its such a simple question. We all know you posted a fake picture of yourself (actually someone else) kissing a girl, and you pretended she was your girlfriend. We have all laughed at that one, but please tell us, have you yourself actually kissed a girl. I can't believe you have defended yourself yet. (and look how blackpoosalesman and mysteryfag post simulataneously after each other, isn't it sweet. Are you going to invite anyone to the wedding?)

CRICHTONT88: "Blackpoosalesman"? Really? I think your existence is an elaborate lie.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: huh???

CRICHTONT88: You know exactly what I mean, Sock-boy!

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: aww thats a shame, are you just another troll too?

CRICHTONT88: ha ha more useless drivel, what else ya got that makes no sense?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: oh so you are a troll. you fail.

CRICHTONT88: I feel like I'm talking to a parrot that can only say, "ur a troll, fag" and "betcha never kissed a girl, rawk!!!"

FURIOUS FENNER: Was it with you and "kissing a girl"? You're like a damn broken record. P.S Have you? Please send evidence of such to Mr Ironical Waste O. Time.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Broken record, if you want hear one of them you should see this blackpooslaesman following me across multiple boards repeating previosu stuff to me, constantly. He is a mega troll.

FURIOUS FENNER: The phrase "pot and kettle" springs to mind. ZeBlackRockSalesman (his name, in spite of your undoubtedly marvellous and witty nicknames) is a law unto himself and is clearly taking the piss. And this post is in itself genuinely hilarious. Speaking of which, did you sort out your graphics card problem?...

CRICHTONT88: ginnov has asked him if he's played that game yet a dozen times, and he just won't answer, so I'm guessing....no. cognitive dissonance.....he lacks it.

STRONTIUM-AE: This thread...especially the first two pages = pure comedy gold. And there are now well over 120 replies that more or less repeat the same thing over and over, wow.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Ok, heres the real deal then, a lot of you are so could at saying this is a huge waste of time, this is so boring, this is funny, yet this is mind numbing, etc. Everyone of you at commentating. Yet you all come back here, making more and more posts on the subject, eyt your telling me to drop it. The word hypocrisy comes to mind. Yet when you look at the bigger picture, i started this post, with a very real, and genuine honest question. Is there anything wrong with that? If so, sue me. And this thread has been innundated by trolls. No not people calling each other trolls just for argument sake, but actual real trolls. Yet mystery not one single one of you have complained about that. Its almost as if you like trolls, but you are all so good at telling me to basically shut the hell. Or atleast implying it. Well no, its not going to happen. I'm not here to get the absolute last word or anything, i couldn't care less, but as soon as you lot want to stop, i'll stop. But the thing is, none of you guys want to stop either. And sure, i am not saying that you are all trolls, most of you aren't, but i still find it perplexing that you all seem to have a problem with me, and not the troll abuse. But then again, people at school do befriend bully's. When someone on here needs something (like an answer to a question), the bullies suddenly use that against you, knowing they have the upper hand, then just use that advantage against you. And you think i'm going to sit here and just go away, and be a victim of a troll? I dont think so. Besides i find this fun actually, to taken on internet geeks, where this is the only avenue of life where they (think or feel) that they have an advantage over you. Because you do know in life, they just live at home with there mom, get called four eyes at school, and have never kissed a chic. Ha ha this is fun, bring it on blackpoo

GINNOV: That was a quote actually, from another poster, long before you got here. So, have you played the game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: What was a quote, long before I got here?????

GINNOV: Um, you just talked about it in your last post. - "I’m now going anyway, I think I’ve proven I was right". By the way, have you played that game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: oh i get you now. But actuallly it wasn't a quote from a separate post. Mayber you wrote it ina separate post as well, but you definitely wrote it in this post, go back and look for yourself, its there

GINNOV: I'm sorry, but I really don't understand what you're talking about. Could you be a little more clear? Which post are you referring to when you say "this post"? The quote is from a poster from a long time ago, named danielcribb123. Crichtont88 quoted another famous poster earlier in this thread, which is what prompted me to respond with a quote from danielcribb123.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: "I’m now going anyway, I think I’ve proven I was right" Thats what i'm talking about, you said it way back, some time ago, but in this post. Anyway it doesn't matter though.

GINNOV: I think I see what you mean now, you're talking about when I said I would stop arguing with you. The Cribb quote I used was from something entirely different though, and it's merely coincidence that it sounds similar to what I said before that. Now that that's settled, you play that game yet?

CRICHTONT88: I love how he thinks everyone here but him is a troll. It's kinda like how crazy people think they're the only sane ones on the planet.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Awww crichy, are you having problems reading? I quite clearly said, only 2 or 3 messages back, that i dont think everyones a troll, that most people are not one. Better luck next time though. Hey wait a second, do you think your posts are invisible or something, do you think opther people can't see them. Are you actually trying to say that most of your messages on this thread are no troll type messages????? C'mon, people aren't blind crichy. good try though.

CRICHTONT88: Lol, crichy? Thanks, I love my new nickname. YES or NO: Have you played that game yet? Because if you haven't, then every mile-long post that you hammered out in this thread, about how gay people are and trolly trolls trolling trolls and kissing girls and whatnot, and indeed the thread itself, has been entirely useless, and a complete waste of your time. Sleep on that, and tomorrow tell me how you feel about it.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: crichy your still not reading are you, i just gave a massive long explanation of what i think about this whole thread. Try reading it. I dont need to sleep on it.

CRICHTONT88: *facepalm* You didn't say yes OR no. Congratulations. Enjoy not playing your game.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: whats up crichy, why you getting annoyed. 'Taste your own medicine' doesn't mean anything to you does it?

ZEBLACROCKSALESMAN: I'm taking a girl out in Rome, any suggestions?

THEMYSTERIOUSGROWL: wow mimicry!

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: hahaha yes blackpoosalesman, think about that one carefully, taking a girl out in Rome. Girl, do you know what one of them is. And no i dont mean your whore of a mother, i mean any avergae girl. Have you ever kissed a girl. Ok ok, have you atkeast ever talked to a girl.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: Have you found out what graphics card you have yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Where have theye all gone. Damn, i guess they showed me.

GINNOV: Perchance, good sir, hath thee taken part in thine glourious game that thou hast cared enough about to design this, thine thread of innumerable good qualities?

FURIOUS FENNER: All your talk about girls is giving me the strongest suspicion that you're over compensating. I think the reason that nobody else here is validating this claim is because they're very secure with themselves. Also, its worth noting that several of the posters on this board are female. I can't take someone seriously who goes around IMDb calling every other user a nerd or a geek. Judge thyself then judge others. Have a nice day. P.S HAVE YOU PLAYED THE GAME YET?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Hey fething yeah you figured me out, damn you got me. Can you not take me seriously. Oh no. But i guess you can take all the trolls on here seriously can you???? Nobody is validating this claim is because they cant. Look at blackpoosalesman, he is a supernerd. He actually did post a picture of him and this hot chick. Only it wasn't him. Dont you understand what that means???? He doesn'thave a girlfriend, never has had one, and will never get one if he carry;s sitting on hi scomputer ALL DAY EVERYDAY. C'mon fething, you know this is true. Dont pretend like its not.

GINNOV: Hey bro, how've you been? So listen, um.... have you played that game yet?

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: Have you played the game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: ginnov do you like trolls?

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: fanatic_about_film do you like replying to the wrong poster? And have you played the game yet?

GINNOV: Of course not. They vandalize IMDb property and like quoting things and being silly/rude/lies. I would honestly like to know if you've played Lost: Via Domus yet. Have you?

FURIOUS FENNER: Frankly, Fanatic, I really don't give a damn whether he does or doesn't or whether he is or isn't and so forth. I don't know the guy aside from some often very funny comments he makes. Mainly quotes. Ok, almost entirely quotes. If the picture's him and real, fair play. If not, who cares? I don't. And you shouldn't. Oh yeah, and one more thing: “Required Radeon Series X300 graphics card, Shader Model 2”
Now, will you please just play the fcking game?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Yeah fething i dont know the guy either, except for some hilarious comments he's made. They are just hysterical. Which ones made you laugh in particular? And oh my god, 200 messages in and finally someone attempted to offer me a helping hand. Oh Fething it warrants a debate over it because i decided to debate over it. Im interested to know wether the social retard has kissed a girl, it intrigues me becasue i know what the real answer is. Hey ginnov, why have you constantly been on my back but never once said anything about trolls or said anything to the trolls then?

GINNOV: Did you consider the possibility that maybe I would say something to the "trolls" if you would answer my question?

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: So have you played the game yet or not? Inquiring minds want to know.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Yeah sure, because you've stood up for me so much before. I people on here NEVER say anything to trolls? Its as if people like them, or atleast are tooscared of them, even though they destroy thi place.

SIMPLYSHINY: My god, it's like a train wreck...I just can't look away!

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: How did meeting that girl in Rome go?

ZAMOT: After reading this guy's posts I think I can guess what the answer will be... Oh it went great we made out big time, something you'll never do hahaha loser. ur a troll fag go have a gay orgy. ...well, now that I guessed it he proabaly won't say it. But he would have. And fanatic you really should play the game BTW. I found it surprisingly enjoyable even though I heard bad things about it.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: haha good one, he is a total fag, well done.

GINNOV: I think you just called yourself a fag.

CRICHTONT88: Well good for him. I'm glad he's finally able to accept himself for who and what he is. He took a very big step today....and yet, he still hasn't played that game.

ZAMOT: It seems like you misinterpreted my post so I'll just say it a bit more clearly: You are predictable and boring. Play the game and shut up.


FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Yeah OBVIOUSLY!!!

STEVEFOSLEAZY: Shut up. You're a moron

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: hey stevesmomissleave, i'm a moron, your repeating everything i say, yet i'm the moron, hahhahahahha good one. No seriously, that was funny for a second, hahahaha

STEVEFOSLEAZY: You don't even know how to spell. I think that makes you a moron. What's funny, for more than a second, is that you don't know basic grammar. What else is funny is how you are crying on the internet because not everyone is being nice to you. It'll be OK, buddy. We are here to help each other out.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: awww boo boo's stevesmomissleaze, whats up buddy, are you getting annoyed at something. I don't have basic grammar? I guess you dont have to know basic grammarwhen you just repeatedly copy and paste everything i say. Not everyone is being nice to me, ahahahahaahahaha, you mean you have joined in on a gang assault to try and intimidate me, and yet you describe that as 'not being nice', jeez.

STEVEFOSLEAZY: Just keep my name out of your cripple fingers when you type on your pathetic windows 95 keyboard!

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Oh nothing to say stevesmomisaslutsleaze, awww what a shame you little bitch, you even admit to being a troll on your imdb user profile. Hahahaha your so sad, you little pathetic waste of time, shut up bitch, hahaha.

STEVEFOSLEAZY: I'm confused- "your so sad"? What does that mean? I don't own any so sads, so I'm a little bewildered here.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: sad, as in your pathetic. Not sad upset Sad upset would describe your parents after realising they gave birth to someone who lives there life to have the actual intention of annoying other people. And who sits at home everyday on their computer, with a severe lack of social skills.

STEVEFOSLEAZY: I'm still confused - I don't own any pathetics either. Why do you keep accusing me of being in possession of these things?

KOUNEBONE: With the OP's question not being answered, he should not be free to play LOST: Via Domus.

AQUARIAN GUY: You're really obsessed with whether or not people are virgins and if they've ever kissed a girl. And whether they live with their mom or are bagning their own mothers. I see it clearly now. You are a 12 year old virgin lesbian who still sleeps in your mom's bed and sometimes....just sometimes...she touches you at night.

CRICHTONT88: You know, I was certain of f_a_f being a child. I did not, however, consider the lesbian and mom-fingered angles. Excellent LOSTboardigating.

GINNOV: Have you played that game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: ginnov i think you've comfirmed you're a troll by now, so shut up, and go away.

GINNOV: I honestly can't understand why you won't answer a simple question. You come here because you want to play a computer game, and now you're so engulfed in petty insults and overuse of the word "fag" that you won't even confirm whether or not you have actually played the game in question? It leads me to think that the troll here is in fact you, who avoids serious conversation in lieu of childish degradation and overall unoriginality. Really, how often can you call a person a fag? Earlier when I was trying to get you to seek out your answers elsewhere in order to avoid wasting time here, you said that you liked engaging in arguments with trolls. But repeatedly calling someone a fag and questioning whether they've ever kissed a girl is not an argument, it's a sign of how immature and irrational a person you are, and a clear sign of a dangerously low level of intelligence on your part. I'm saying this not as an attempt to get you to see the truth but instead out of satisfaction I derive from the practice of explaining how indomitably idiotic you are. Which is itself a gift that keeps on giving, as I know you will prove unable to respond with a rational retort, only saying that I am a troll because I keep asking whether you have played Lost: Via Domus yet. And so you will continue to wax idiotical (which, I know, you will jeer at and say that idiotical is not a word, to which I will reply that of course it is not a word, it is a play on the phrase wax philosophical, with the substitution of idiotical being obvious in meaning, at least to someone with the brainpower of a cauliflower), and this thread will continue to grow as a result of the putrescent slime that protrudes from your mouth and what I hesitate to say is an actual human mind, however poor an example that may be. And an entire message board away from here will continue to look on and laugh, mocking you with every post you write and every pathetic insult you reuse to the same pointless effect, at times coming here to have a go at you themselves, poking you like a brain dead member of some freak show long outlawed because of how cruel it is to take advantage of someone who has not the ability or even the slightest inclination to excercize their human mind in a rational labor to free yourself from your self-contained prison of non-though reminiscent of a piece of granite. You are the intellectual equivalent of a corpse, whose only contribution to the world is a foul smell of escaping gas that you somehow take pleasure in, even from beyond the grave and everyone else here is merely taking meat cleavers and bone saws to your pathetic form, which at this point it is hard to imagine ever resembled something with a unique human intelligence, harvesting you for the only valuable thing you are likely to provide, a joke that will live on as a memory of a moron. So go on keep doing what you're doing, the saddest part of it all is that none of this will register with you and you will keep repeating the words "troll", "fag", and “virgin", in the same way but on the opposite end of the spectrum of intelligence that I will repeat the question, until I receive the answer, "Have you played that game yet?"

CRICHTONT88: O.O This......this...... o.O There just aren't any words left to express how awesome this is. I....I'm astounded. It's a shame really, because you're right. His only response will be, 'haha, u r troll ginnov' I'm going to go sit in a corner and reflect on the beauty of this.

GINNOV: Thanks! Although I think I might have scared him away, he hasn't posted in six hours

CRICHTONT88: He's hiding from us. In the banyan trees.

STOPYFUEH: Maybe he’s playing the game! Eh, not likely.

CRICHTONT88: I doubt it. But if he ever does get around to playing it, unlikely as that is, I just wish I could see his face when he reaches the Banyan tree part. Then maybe, just maybe , he'll realize what an ass he is.

VVMINI: So, have you played the game yet? Was that enough to guarantee me one of your cool nicknames? Am I a troll too now?

CRICHTONT88: ?tey emag taht deyalp uoy evaH

THEMYSTERIOUSGROWL: HAS HE LOST THE GAME YET?

ZIDVICIOUS: This entire thread is pure comedy gold! Hey, f_a_a I feel sorry that these scumbags have spoiled the game for you. I'm trully am. But I should let you know that 7 months ago, I chaotically spoiled The Variable and The Incident for them. You should have been here when it happened. It was amazing! I was enjoying every single second of it! By the way, Stopyfuey, I purposely said all those rolf quotes because I knew you dickwad "Regs" were going to quote them.

STOPYFUEH: Huh? Rolf quotes?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: ha ha oh god, oh wow, this was amazing, i love it. This board has got a life of its own. I've not been here for like almost 5 days and its not even slowed down. Amazing. But this reply was a classic ginnov. I agree with everyone here, you deserve a round of applause.

GINNOV: It's amazing how much of my post you failed to understand. What exactly am I supposed to say to people? "Hey stop that, that's mean"? Perhaps you've heard the phrase, "Don't feed the trolls". It means that you only make things worse by responding to them, and that there's a good chance they'll eventually leave you alone if you stay on-topic and try to sound like an intelligent being.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: So have you played the game yet or not?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: wow i've been away over four days and within 5 minutes your already on me, great.

ZEBLACKROCKSALESMAN: I'm assuming you've spent the last four days playing the game. Have you got to the part where Locke helps Elliot Maslow off the island then?

CANTHOLDME187: I'm still not sure if he has played the game yet.

THIRD ISLAND: Not yet. One day it will happen.

CANTHOLDME187: “f” u pervert

THIRD ISLAND: Don't make me come down to Tennessee to show you a lesson

CANTHOLDME187: I gave up gay sex a long time ago.

THIRD ISLAND: That's not what Zid said.

OPTICALALLUSION: Surely you must realize that this thread came about because of the way you responded? If it were as a result of the behavior of the board as a whole, every thread would be like this.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: yeah opticalallusion thats certainly one way of looking at it. So if someone hits you in the face, and you hit them back, the fight is still your fault, because of your reaction to being punched. Yeah thats funny, well thought out argument you have there. Most threads (on the lost boards) are like this. Its turned into a toilet.

VVMINI: Maybe you've got to question yourself why someone would punch you in the face in the first place? Surely you have to be a real ass to get someone as far as punching you. Nice people don't get punched in the face.

OPTICALALLUSION: Your analogy isn't apt. It's more like a kindergartener called you a name, and being a prideful idiot, you decided to call him a name back, even though as an adult you should know better than to get into a name calling contest with a kindergartener. That's why this thread is still active - because you have responded like a child to their otherwise harmless taunting.


CRICHTONT88: I'll take this even further. The initial exchange between Ze and fanatic is like a foreign exchange student coming into a new classroom, where noone speaks his language. The foreign kid (fanatic) asks where the bathroom is, to which another student (Ze) replies in his language, "I don't know where the bathroom is, but I do know there's toilet paper inside!" Well, to foreign kid's ears, this sounds somewhat like, "go FVCK yourself!" And he responds with rage, attacking the other kid viciously (though his punches are weak and have no effect.) Afterwards everyone thinks the new kid is a psychotic weirdo, and because he continues to be a rude jerk, they all gang up on him, bullying and teasing him. Now normally, NONE of these kids would bully a student, but the new kid so richly deserves it, and they can't help themselves. Even worse, a teacher and other students long ago calmly explained to new kid that what he thought he heard wasn't what was actually said, and the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding. But new kid doesn't listen, he just spits at them, shrieks at people, kicks shins, and takes a crap in the floor and throws it at people, because he thinks it's a valid and logical arguement. He's such a dense, self-assured moron, he won't admit he's wrong, and instead takes the low road, countering intelligence with stupidity at every turn. And at the end of the school, everyone passes with flying colors...except him. Because between the petty name-calling and self-imposed isolation, he forget about what he was really there to do.

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: oh crichy, how are you? It seems your well in with the fagmo's too, aren't you? So do you go in the middle of their sandwiche?

CRICHTONT88: 1) I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Have you played that game yet? 2) I'm gonna have to say no, because firstly, I don't own a well. And secondly, I don't know what a fagmo is. It sounds like some sort of super-powered, robotic gay man. 3) That depends. I just ate, so I'm not that hungry. But if it's turkey, I suppose I could make room for a piece of, "sandwiche"

KOUNEBONE: Haben Sie das Spiel schon gespielt?

CANDALL: If you'd read the FAQ before posting you'd already know.

STOPYFUEH: The FAQ thread was good but this...this is his masterpiece.

STEVEFOSLEAZY: “f” u pervert

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: haha good one stevesmomissleaze!

STEVEFOSLEAZY: It's ironic that you say "good one" when you just made the worst insult ever. Your dad must have jerked off in a flower pot and had himself a bloomin' idiot.

GINNOV: I answered your questions, now answer mine, please. Have you played that game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: Have you really? I think you failed to answer why you repeated a line back to me (page 27) and effectively joined in with the trolls.

GINNOV: Because I thought it was funny. Have you played that game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: because you thought it was funny? Well sorry but i dont answer questions from trolls, bye.

GINNOV: I just want to know if I should rent it. Did you get to the part with the Banyan tree yet? Didn't Locke's voice sound funny? He kind of sounds like he's supposed to be Native American. It's kind of sad that they could get barely any of the actual cast members to lend their voices to the game. Maybe if they ever do another version, it'll be a lot better. And by the way, not everyone views the pages the same way, you may have upwards of 27 pages on this thread, but I have it set so that only eight pages show for me, because I have it set to show more posts for page. So it's not very helpful when you say something like pg. 27 when there is no pg. 27 for me. Just so you know. Have you played that game yet?

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: well ok but i think i already told you i'm not answering a question that a troll asks.


CANDALL: Well you’ll never get to Mordor with that attitude.

GINNOV: I simply walked into Mordor once.

CRICHTONT88: Act like a guava. Buddy you either are a guava or your not one. An he most definitely is a guava. He quoted a chracter from the guava ??????????????

GINNOV: Ilana: What lies in the shadow of the statue? ZeBlackRockSalesman: Banyan trees. Ilana: thanks idiot

FANATIC ABOUT FILM: awwww thats nice, u become a total troll. And to think, i actually used to respect you.

GINNOV: Respect from a douchebag doesn't mean much to me. You play that game yet?

THIRD ISLAND: Can I play your game since you aren’t?

Cribb/Kropp story writing contest: WINNERS!

The three winning stories from the LOST board fanfiction contest.


1ST PLACE - "Story" by Sawyer90:



"Story" by Sawyer90:

Chapter 1

As a new day began on the island, it’s only inhabitants, Daniel Cribb and Andrew Kropp, were sat on the beach preparing breakfast.

“Do you ever think that we’re just characters in some internet fan-fiction?” asked Cribb.“No way. There’s a perfectly good reason for us just finding ourselves living on this island, bickering with each other all day every day” replied Kropp.

Cribb mulled this over for a few seconds. His theory on their reason for existing had just been shot down by the moron who was now admiring his reflection in the sea. He supposed now was as good a time as any to tell Kropp his idea.

“I think I should be leader of this island. I have been posting regularly for years and it’s time I was given some recognition for it.”
“But there’s just the two of us. What’s the point?”
“I just feel that…”
“BUMP!”
“Ok…I just feel that I can improve our quality of life on this island if I take the lead.”
“I think I’d rather take my chances living in the ocean than follow you!”

Cribb’s patience had just about run out:“There’s always one isn’t there? One total imbecile who thinks he knows better!”
“Yeah, but he’s not usually in charge!”

Cribb couldn’t take it any longer. Another day on this island would drive him insane. He needed to get rid of this idiot once and for all. And if Kropp fancied his chances in the ocean so much, then that’s where he’s going.

“Hey Kropp, I saw a ship earlier. It was quite far out, but you might be able to swim to it. It might have females on it!”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?! Ok, farewell Cribb! Nice knowing you!”

Kropp ran off into the jungle. This was the most excited Cribb had ever seen him. There was no ship of course, but now Kropp would either drown or be eaten by a shark. Cribb wished he’d thought of this a long time ago. No more pizza crust littering the beach. No more finding Polaroid’s of Kropp nailed to trees with “Rate plz!” scrawled underneath. This was the happiest Daniel Cribb had ever been. He decided to retire to the tree house they’d been sharing since the dawn of time.

Chapter 2

Kropp ran towards the sea. He couldn’t see any ship, but he decided the smartest thing to do would be to swim quite far out and look around. He removed his shirt, knowing this would score big points with any females he encountered, and then jumped into the sea. As he swam frantically towards absolutely nothing, he couldn’t stop thinking about the ship Cribb had told him about. Finally he could get some more opinions on his photographs. Cribb had never shown any real enthusiasm when it came to rating photos. Kropp was almost a mile out now, and there was still no sign of any ship. He knew he had to keep looking. The thought of going back to the island to spend the rest of his life with Daniel Cribb was just too depressing. He decided that the ship had to show up eventually, and that he would just float around until it did.

Chapter 3

Meanwhile, Daniel Cribb was sitting in their tree house wondering if he’d done the right thing. Andrew Kropp was annoying and creepy, but he was the only company Cribb had. And now he was probably dead.“I’m so incredibly lonely” sighed Cribb.

It was getting darker. Cribb looked over at Andrew Kropp’s empty bed and the guilt he was feeling seemed to multiply. He decided that he would need to destroy Kropp’s possessions first thing in the morning, or risk driving himself crazy. Why had he done such a terrible thing? He couldn’t remember, but he knew it was in his head somewhere. Cribb drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Next thing he knew, he was trapped at the bottom of a well. He was freezing cold, and there was barely any room to move. Only a small amount of light was getting in.“Help me!” he cried, even though he knew no one would be around to help. The well was far too deep to climb out of, and Cribb was certain he would die down here. Then he heard a familiar voice.

“Why are you down this well?”Andrew Kropp had returned to save him! The relief was tremendous.
“Andrew, buddy, could you help me out here? Im not sure how I got down here.” Cribb replied.“But why are you down here?”
“I just told you, I don’t know!”
“There was no ship, I still haven’t met any girls. You lied to me!”
“Im sorry, I must have imagined it. Please get me out of here.”
“You should think about what you’ve done!”
“I will be thinking it. Boy, will I be thinking it. Just please help me, I don’t want to die!”
“I didn’t want to die either, but it’s too late for that!”Cribb’s blood ran cold. He heard heavy breathing; he looked behind him and saw Andrew Kropp. His flesh was rotten, he was dripping wet from head to toe, and his eyes were missing.

Chapter 4

Cribb awoke sharply. That was the second most disturbing dream he had ever had. It certainly couldn’t compete with the dream about him kissing Andrew Kropp, but it had still troubled him. He was breathing heavily and a cold sweat had come over him.He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, but it was still dark. He didn’t think he would sleep again that night, so he decided to take a walk along the shore. Maybe Kropp had been washed up. If he could give him a decent burial, maybe that would ease his conscience.He climbed out of the treehouse that now belonged solely to him, and set off. His heart was still pounding from the nightmare. He wasn’t sure why he would find himself in a well. There was no well on the island. What is it? Who has it? And what is it? These questions plagued Cribb as walked right around the island. By the time he got back to his treehouse, it was morning. He decided sausage would be good for breakfast, even if Kropp had hidden his stash of gay porn. Cribb wasn’t sure why those two things complimented each other so well.He climbed the ladder to the treehouse, entered the doorway and froze. A shirtless Andrew Kropp was lying on his bed, grinning at him. And he was very much alive.

Chapter 5

“Hi Daniel, did you miss me?”Cribb couldn’t speak. He just stared as Kropp sat up, his podgy body jiggling. He got up and walked towards the petrified Cribb.
“I couldn’t find any ship. I was looking for hours. It was so cold out there, but I didn’t want to give up. I thought I was done for when a shark approached me, but for some reason it swam off once it got within 10 feet of me.”
Cribb was beginning to snap out of it.
“So eventually I decided that the ship must have gone away. Or sunk. That’s when I swam back here.”

Cribb realised that this idiot still believed there was a ship, and had no idea it was a trick to try and kill him. Everything might work out ok after all. If you consider living on an island with an overweight attention-seeker as ok.

“Im glad you’re ok, Andrew!” Cribb said, as he embraced his drenched friend.
“Get off of me, you big gay!”Kropp shoved him back and then dusted himself off as if he’d just had dirt thrown on him.
“I’m just really happy to see you! I was worried. Tell you what, why don’t we go through your photo album, and I’ll rate every single picture!”
Kropp’s face lit up. It was all he had ever wanted in life, besides women. This would be the best day ever.
“Ok, that sounds like fun! Maybe you could even write nice comments at the bottom? And make a top ten favourite photos section? And…”
“Well, go get it then!”Cribb was just happy to have a clear conscience, and his friend back safe.
“You’ll need to help me carry it. It’s really heavy.”Cribb sighed, and all his previous enthusiasm evaporated. What had he let himself in for?

Geronimo Jacksons Five sent me the following...

"You're a pathetic human being, Execute"

When I told him I was not Execute, and why he thought so, he responded:

"Execute, was the only person who posted fake replies about me. And if you keep it up I'm going to sue you for defamation of character. Now make that into a new meme."

So I did.

Even though I have never posted "fake replies" about him, and everything I attributed to him was true, I'm still pretty sure he will go through with his threat. He is a man of his world, after all.

The Day The LOST Board Died, by JS Got Lost

To the tune of "American Pie"

A long, long time ago...I can still remember
How that Lost Board used to make me smile.
And I would always take the chance
To watch Sage and not_de_way's romance
And, maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But 4/23 made me shiver
With spoiler trolls so lily-livered.
Shotgun blasts me to the floor;
I can't watch this anymore.
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about who might have died,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Lost Board died.

So bye-bye to Aquarian Guy
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai.
And the good old boys,
still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die."

Did you write the Book of Love
And do you have faith in Cribb above
If ZeBlackBibleSalesman says so?
Ah, do you believe in rock and roll?
Can Daniel save your mortal soul
And can he teach you where to put a dildo?
Well I know that you're in love with Jim
Cause I saw you buy T-shirts from him.
The phrase across your boobs,
Well it really confused the n00bs.
Oh, but then one day we ran out of luck
The IMDb board began to suck
We moved to a place where we could say "fuck"
The day the Lost Board died

I started singin'"Bye-bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai."
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singin' "this'll be the day that I die.
This'll be the day that I die."

Now for ten days we've been on our own,
Cuing our own gay ass trombone
But that's not how it used to be,
When the Jester decided to be mean
And spoil The Variable's final scene
A scream was heard from you and me
Oh and while the Jester dicked around
Reporting Monkey beat us down,
Our first hiding place upturned,
No, we never could returnA
nd while Vozzek wrote a book on the "box"
And Dark just sneered like Dr. Cox,
Woe to the Walter Eagles and Eccohawks
The day the Lost Board died.

We were singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Helter skelter, in a late spring swelter
We moved to our own fallout shelter
"fifty people vanished into thin air",
And there we were all amassed
Told the trolls to kiss our ass
With Dark on the sidelines in a wheelchair
Now in the space of one sweet afternoon
We were back to writing a meme for Boone
L-O-L, thanks in advance,
Oh, but I wonder, does it make sense?
Cause the spoiler trolls tried to take our field
Our Barracks brethren refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the Lost Board died?

We started singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die"

Oh and there we were all in our new place
Telling all the trolls "your FACE!"
We're happy we could start again,
So come on Chack Be Nimble, Chack Be Quick!
Chack shoulda stayed down, the prick
Cause jealousy's the spoilers' only friend
Oh, and as I watched IMDb's front page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
But no reason there to dwell,
My friends had bid farewell
And as the flames were traded through the night
The Barracks called like a beacon light
I saw Salesman laughing with delight
The day the Lost Board died

He was singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die"

I met up with some Lost Board dudes
And I asked them for some happy news
They just smiled and turned away,
I went down to the scene of war
Where we'd had OT fun just days before,
But there was nobody left to come and play
And in the threads, the lights were out
No one to help eachother out
Audacity and horrible eyes,
Quoting things and silly/rude/ies,
And the board members I admire most
(Like I'd reveal that in this post!)
They're Barracks bound, they've raised a toast,
The day the Lost Board died

And they were singing,
"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die
"They were singing,
"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Singing "this'll be the day that I die"

Monster??? SPOILERS by BonJ0vi813

Newbies often come to the board to be bombarded with sarcastic and joke answers. Yet none were as memorable as the time Bonj0vi813 graced our shores. It provided a comedy platform for many members, and cruel it may be, we laughed at his frustration. His bewildered reaction to the reception he got became the board's motto, and was quoted endlessly by the other members , along with every other line he wrote - several users could recite his posts off by heart. One of the funniest parts of the thread is when he is given the correct answer but dismisses it. It is the second longest-running thread in the LOST board's history, surviving from 15th September 2008 to 27th April 2009. As Bish-Fiscuit said : "It was the tale of one man's failure to triumph over adversity. We will never forget you, BonJ0vi813. Your message of love and tolerance has inspired us all." Most of the thread composed of quotes being repeated again and again, but I bring you just the highlights. Despite his fame, Bonj0vi813 is yet to return to the LOST board due to the important demands of his job, but we live in hope.



BONJ0VI813: ive never watched lost till today so bare with me please im a rookie....im not gonna be able to watch the next 3 episodes from season 1 on sci-fi...so can someone tell me please what this scary monster thing that killed the pilot and chases them is?

BISH-FISCUIT: Oh, you're going to be so disappointed.

BONJOVI813: i figured as much..so wut is it?

DRFEELGOODHITOFTHESUMMER: Its Iron Man

BONJOVI813: is it the dog?

BISH-FISCUIT: I like to think so.

PERCEHONSON: It's Bon Jovi in a monks robe. He kills people with a waterhose and a giant pair of scissors.

CHAIRMAN LMAO: Don't listen to any of them, they are lying. It is a shapeshifter, exactly like the one in Terminator 2. There is an inside joke on the board that it is a cloud of black smoke, ignore any fool who says that.

BONJOVI813: why are u all like this??? ive posted on many boards on imdb and ive never had responses like this....we're here to help eachother out

DRFEELGOODHITOFTHESUMMER: You've come to a bad place BonJovi..

CHAIRMAN LMAO: I gave you a serious answer you ungrateful man. It is a shapeshifter, end of story. Therefore, it can become anything. If I was lying I would tell you some crap about a 500 year old invisible guy in a cabin that runs the island.

BISH-FISCUIT: I really like this quote. This should be our motto". The Lost Board: why are u all like this??? we're here to help eachother out

DRFEELGOODHITOFTHESUMMER: Would make a great Sig

NYCUB: I agree Bish. I will add it to my repertoire of non-sequiturs, along with Shirtless Sawyer, It makes sense, I collect soil samples and I was just on a ferris wheel.

ASUKA-ON-A-STICK (JAYTRIX): It's a puff of black smoke...I sht you not. Black. Smoke.

BONJOVI813: wutever thanks for nothing.

BISH-FISCUIT: LOL! Yeah, how dare you tell him that the monster is made up of black smoke. That's just absurd.

DANCEBATMANDANCE: Black smoke? Wtf. What a lie. It's an actual monster. Some sort of large, dinosaur-like creature.

DRUNKEN BEARDED JACK: Why is spoilers in the title of the thread? If you do not know what the smoke monster is how can you spoil us?

BONJOVI813: spoilers is there because some people like me who havent seen lost and want to may not wanna kno wut it is

DANCEBATMANDANCE: If you want to know, why not just watch the show? It's not like you need to wait for the episodes. There's DVDs, reruns, and online episodes.

BONJOVI813: time.....i lack it...i have a demanding important job

MISTER EFF: Really? 'Cause you kinda sound like a twelve year old.

THE TOKER: Of course he does, he's f*%£$ng Iron Man!!

RUFIO90210: yeah, bon jovi has to go back on tour. he doesnt have time to wait and find out what the baloney monster is.

EBOYKEN: If only he was named bonj0vi815 instead of 813, then he could be kinda cool

BONJOVI813: wow it really is black smoke thanks Asuka-on-a-stick

ECCOHAWK: why has no one told him it was a pissed off giraffe yet!?!

STOPYFUEH: Good point. I guess we're not as sharp as you, Hawkman!

GIRAFFE MONSTER: But I’m not pissed.

ECCOHAWK: in all seriousness, bon jovi, the monster is called richard

JAIME222: Dude, you just gotta keep watching, there is so much more to see. This show is addicting so beware. Don't bother replying to the dorks who are mean on message boards...behind a computer, a lot of pathetic losers get god-complexes and become self-righteous because they are safely tucked away in their mother's basement with their cat on their lap and cheeto stained Styx T-shirts.

MIKHAILS EYEPATCH: I resent that! I wear REM T-shirts

SUN KWON: in all seriousness, the monster is a huge cluster of those small flies/bees that john coffey would spew out in the green mile. somehow they all migrated to the island. i think it has something to do with the warm weather...

BATMITE111: It look to me like this poster had a relevant question and you all just turned on him like a pack of huonds. disgusted

KUSH93: Wutever thanks for nothing

MISSMORTICIA: Why thank you, humourless troll! Somehow, I TOTALLY missed this thread until now, and I had NO idea where "why are u all like this?" came from!

BATMITE111: Nobody answere his question. Why ARE you all like this to other posters who just want to discus lost?

MISSMORTICIA: Kicks?

BATMITE111: Yes you did kick this poor poster when he was down. Saddist

TARHEELS2002: What the hell is a "saddist"?

HOWSITFEELSLIKE: You know I almost forgot why I actually love this board and then I seen this thread and I knew you regular guys were gonna just tease the hell out this poor kid. it's hilarious.

Should Sarah Palin be allowed to eat where you eat? by Percehonson

Surreal randomness at it's best, with Perce and Rose both on top form. People tried to make these style threads a regular thing for a while, but they weren't as successful because they couldn't match the spontaneity of this one.


PERCEHONSON: I don't think she should be allowed. She should die in a fire and stay out of everyones affairs if you ask me. She can't keep her eyes to herself. KEEP HER OUT OF OUR RESTAURANTS!!!! We do not need a nosy bitch telling us how to eat! This is America, it's not Alaska. We pay for food, I should be able to do with it as I please. Palin is worse than the old people. Go back to Alaska bitch.

If you go out to eat and decide to throw a roll at one of your friends heads Sarah Palin will have the manager come to her table and she will try to get him to kick you out. She needs to be banned from places so she can't cause drama.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when Sarah Palin comes up behind me in McDonalds and pinches one of my fries from over my shoulder. If she just asked if she could take one I would probably tell her to go right ahead... but it's just her assumption that I'm gonna be cool with it that bugs me. Because it's not just a one off thing, she does it to me pretty much every time I'm in there. What makes What makes it worse is that she's generally wearing just her underwear when she does it and has lipstick smeared all over her face.

PERCEHONSON: That's *beep* up. It's that kind of thing that makes her so repulsive. Man, I can't stand it when she orders like ten pizzas and charges them to the state of Alaska and then ends up throwing out like eight of them. It's such a waste of taxpayers dollars.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when she marches into the kitchen and starts telling the McDonalds staff what to do. "Flip those burgers higher" and "Put your hands in boiling fat" she screams. Pffffft - like she has any experience running a McDonalds.

PERCEHONSON: I remember one time she made her kids clean up McDonalds. She tricked them into thinking it was fun by saying the toilet bowl cakes were like hockey pucks and they got to slapshot them into the urinals. The staff really appreciated it until she leaned over the counter and took two hundred dollars out the cash register.

ROSE BEAVER: Her behaviour is even more bizarre in Burger King. She stands for hours staring at the flames on the grill, just laughing her ass off. And when it comes to closing time, she insists all the cardboard crowns are burnt on the grill because "the naughty boys and girls of tomorrow don't deserve them".

PERCEHONSON: That "children are our downfall" thing she talks about sometimes is really creepy. I don't think she should be allowed to purchase gasoline within six miles of a school.

ROSE BEAVER: I heard she once disguised herself as a school to spy on children. Nobody was fooled though because she couldn't keep a straight face whilst in the guise.

MISTERLOPAN: Whenever Sarah Palin comes over to my house uninvited and drunk on weeknights, she never wipes her feet and always tracks moose blood on the carpet. Then she sticks her nosy nose in my business, telling me that my houseplants need more water, and I really should have them in direct sunlight. I tell her that they are lowlight plants and they look better in this corner anyway, but she says that Alaska is full of plants and they all live in trees so just trust her.

I almost got into an accident on the highway once because Sarah Palin was throwing dead squirrels from an overpass into oncoming traffic. She said the squirrels needed a lift back up to Alaska, where they would be much happier.

PERCEHONSON: I remember that too. I was one of the unfortunate ones that day. I had just got done grocery shopping and was heading down the highway when something hit my windshield and caused me to lose control of my car. I ran off the road and hit a tree. I was knocked out and when I woke up Sarah Palin was in my backseat doing CPR on the loaf of bread I had just purchased.

THE TOKER: The Toker wonders why you couldn't find a patrolman to help at the scene of your accident? Has she had them all fired?

PERCEHONSON: They were too busy jumping in front of semi trucks so that the law making it illegal not to get over for stopped emergency and law enforcement vehicles would be enacted.

MISTERLOPAN: Sarah Palin and I used to work at the county park together. After picking up the morning trash (or as Sarah Palin would do, simply dump it into the river) we would go get some breakfast sandwiches at a nearby deli. She would buy a styrofoam cup of macaroni and cheese and then we'd drive to the end of the dock, where she would throw all the macaroni on the ground and wait for the seagulls to and eat it. Hiding behind the truck, she would time it so as the gulls were flying away, she would run up from behind and try to jump and grab onto one of the birds legs and fly to Europe. Mostly she just ended up in the river though. We kept a change of clothes in the glove compartment for her.

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once put me under house arrest for 6 weeks because I refused to get down on one knee and kiss her diamond ring. She then disguised herself as a scarecrow and stood in my garden for 6 weeks to ensure that I didn't leave my home. She claims that she it wasn't her, but once the 6 weeks were up the scarecrow disappeared and left a trail of muddy footprints leading to her castle.

MISTERLOPAN: One thing I'll never understand is why she had the entire west wing of that castle constructed out of Rice Krispies squares. It will only attract the most desperate variety of vagrants.

CAUGHT IN A NET: desperate vagrants and small children who become lost in the forest. perhaps she is luring them intentionally with her west wing of sweets so that she can cook them and feast on their flesh!

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once attempted to fund the assassination of Snap and Crackle because she claimed "Pop was the only one who made any sort of sense".

PERCEHONSON: Pop, huh? That sounds like the kind of 1950's throwback stuff Sarah likes. I remember I was at a car show and Sarah showed up in a beautiful classic Chevy Nomad. There was a fancy Persian rug rolled up in the backseat and it kept making muffled noises and shaking. She tried to say the carpet was magic but everyone knew she had her husband in there again.

"So you think LOST is like Stomp?"

Short, but funny. Watching Jaytrix insult people is always entertaining but Generic Screenname's wit makes this exchange twice as good. JS had part of this thread as her sig for a bit. Generic, if you're reading this - where can I buy that cool movie you're talking about?


GENERIC SCREEN NAME: I was watching Lost on Sci-Fi today. Or was it G4? It's all over the place now. Anyway, I was watching it, and it was the one where Boone had just died and Shannon told Sayid that Locke killed her brother and asked him to do something about it. And just before it went to commercial, I heard the gay-ass trombone! It was sort of a revelation for me, because somehow I'd never heard it and was never sure what the hell parliament funk yant was talking about. But I heard it. And it was fantastic.

JAYTRIX: In other words, you don't pay attention to the show.

GENERIC SCREENAME: Those are other words, but they're completely wrong words. So you're half right. Good for you. I always heard the weird noise that's like something dropping.

JAYTRIX: So the sounds of something dropping and a musical score sound similar? You must have crap taste in music.

GENERIC SCREENAME: Geez, someone's a cranky pants today. Isn't the muscial score of Stomp just people dropping stuff, or banging on things or whatever? It's percussion, that's all I'm saying.

JAYTRIX: So you think Lost is like Stomp?

GENERIC SCREENAME: Of course not. It's like Rent.

JAYTRIX: An island of fags and trannies singing about dying of AIDS?

GENERIC SCREENAME: Yeah. Aren't we watching the same show?

JAYTRIX: Apparently not. I hear over-dramatic music before commercial breaks and not stuff dropping.

GENERIC SCREENAME: That's swell. Here's a picture of a black kid giving the thumbs up. http://random-squeegee.com/blackkid.jpg It's from a movie about a kid who thinks he's talking to his dead father on his red toy telephone but it's really the ghost of an evil magician who's possessed a ventriloquist's dummy. Also, a fat kid gets chased by a giant cheeseburger. I sh!t you not.