Thursday, 16 July 2009

Cribb/Kropp story writing contest: WINNERS!

The three winning stories from the LOST board fanfiction contest.

1ST PLACE - "Story" by Sawyer90:

"Story" by Sawyer90:

Chapter 1

As a new day began on the island, it’s only inhabitants, Daniel Cribb and Andrew Kropp, were sat on the beach preparing breakfast.

“Do you ever think that we’re just characters in some internet fan-fiction?” asked Cribb.“No way. There’s a perfectly good reason for us just finding ourselves living on this island, bickering with each other all day every day” replied Kropp.

Cribb mulled this over for a few seconds. His theory on their reason for existing had just been shot down by the moron who was now admiring his reflection in the sea. He supposed now was as good a time as any to tell Kropp his idea.

“I think I should be leader of this island. I have been posting regularly for years and it’s time I was given some recognition for it.”
“But there’s just the two of us. What’s the point?”
“I just feel that…”
“Ok…I just feel that I can improve our quality of life on this island if I take the lead.”
“I think I’d rather take my chances living in the ocean than follow you!”

Cribb’s patience had just about run out:“There’s always one isn’t there? One total imbecile who thinks he knows better!”
“Yeah, but he’s not usually in charge!”

Cribb couldn’t take it any longer. Another day on this island would drive him insane. He needed to get rid of this idiot once and for all. And if Kropp fancied his chances in the ocean so much, then that’s where he’s going.

“Hey Kropp, I saw a ship earlier. It was quite far out, but you might be able to swim to it. It might have females on it!”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?! Ok, farewell Cribb! Nice knowing you!”

Kropp ran off into the jungle. This was the most excited Cribb had ever seen him. There was no ship of course, but now Kropp would either drown or be eaten by a shark. Cribb wished he’d thought of this a long time ago. No more pizza crust littering the beach. No more finding Polaroid’s of Kropp nailed to trees with “Rate plz!” scrawled underneath. This was the happiest Daniel Cribb had ever been. He decided to retire to the tree house they’d been sharing since the dawn of time.

Chapter 2

Kropp ran towards the sea. He couldn’t see any ship, but he decided the smartest thing to do would be to swim quite far out and look around. He removed his shirt, knowing this would score big points with any females he encountered, and then jumped into the sea. As he swam frantically towards absolutely nothing, he couldn’t stop thinking about the ship Cribb had told him about. Finally he could get some more opinions on his photographs. Cribb had never shown any real enthusiasm when it came to rating photos. Kropp was almost a mile out now, and there was still no sign of any ship. He knew he had to keep looking. The thought of going back to the island to spend the rest of his life with Daniel Cribb was just too depressing. He decided that the ship had to show up eventually, and that he would just float around until it did.

Chapter 3

Meanwhile, Daniel Cribb was sitting in their tree house wondering if he’d done the right thing. Andrew Kropp was annoying and creepy, but he was the only company Cribb had. And now he was probably dead.“I’m so incredibly lonely” sighed Cribb.

It was getting darker. Cribb looked over at Andrew Kropp’s empty bed and the guilt he was feeling seemed to multiply. He decided that he would need to destroy Kropp’s possessions first thing in the morning, or risk driving himself crazy. Why had he done such a terrible thing? He couldn’t remember, but he knew it was in his head somewhere. Cribb drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Next thing he knew, he was trapped at the bottom of a well. He was freezing cold, and there was barely any room to move. Only a small amount of light was getting in.“Help me!” he cried, even though he knew no one would be around to help. The well was far too deep to climb out of, and Cribb was certain he would die down here. Then he heard a familiar voice.

“Why are you down this well?”Andrew Kropp had returned to save him! The relief was tremendous.
“Andrew, buddy, could you help me out here? Im not sure how I got down here.” Cribb replied.“But why are you down here?”
“I just told you, I don’t know!”
“There was no ship, I still haven’t met any girls. You lied to me!”
“Im sorry, I must have imagined it. Please get me out of here.”
“You should think about what you’ve done!”
“I will be thinking it. Boy, will I be thinking it. Just please help me, I don’t want to die!”
“I didn’t want to die either, but it’s too late for that!”Cribb’s blood ran cold. He heard heavy breathing; he looked behind him and saw Andrew Kropp. His flesh was rotten, he was dripping wet from head to toe, and his eyes were missing.

Chapter 4

Cribb awoke sharply. That was the second most disturbing dream he had ever had. It certainly couldn’t compete with the dream about him kissing Andrew Kropp, but it had still troubled him. He was breathing heavily and a cold sweat had come over him.He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, but it was still dark. He didn’t think he would sleep again that night, so he decided to take a walk along the shore. Maybe Kropp had been washed up. If he could give him a decent burial, maybe that would ease his conscience.He climbed out of the treehouse that now belonged solely to him, and set off. His heart was still pounding from the nightmare. He wasn’t sure why he would find himself in a well. There was no well on the island. What is it? Who has it? And what is it? These questions plagued Cribb as walked right around the island. By the time he got back to his treehouse, it was morning. He decided sausage would be good for breakfast, even if Kropp had hidden his stash of gay porn. Cribb wasn’t sure why those two things complimented each other so well.He climbed the ladder to the treehouse, entered the doorway and froze. A shirtless Andrew Kropp was lying on his bed, grinning at him. And he was very much alive.

Chapter 5

“Hi Daniel, did you miss me?”Cribb couldn’t speak. He just stared as Kropp sat up, his podgy body jiggling. He got up and walked towards the petrified Cribb.
“I couldn’t find any ship. I was looking for hours. It was so cold out there, but I didn’t want to give up. I thought I was done for when a shark approached me, but for some reason it swam off once it got within 10 feet of me.”
Cribb was beginning to snap out of it.
“So eventually I decided that the ship must have gone away. Or sunk. That’s when I swam back here.”

Cribb realised that this idiot still believed there was a ship, and had no idea it was a trick to try and kill him. Everything might work out ok after all. If you consider living on an island with an overweight attention-seeker as ok.

“Im glad you’re ok, Andrew!” Cribb said, as he embraced his drenched friend.
“Get off of me, you big gay!”Kropp shoved him back and then dusted himself off as if he’d just had dirt thrown on him.
“I’m just really happy to see you! I was worried. Tell you what, why don’t we go through your photo album, and I’ll rate every single picture!”
Kropp’s face lit up. It was all he had ever wanted in life, besides women. This would be the best day ever.
“Ok, that sounds like fun! Maybe you could even write nice comments at the bottom? And make a top ten favourite photos section? And…”
“Well, go get it then!”Cribb was just happy to have a clear conscience, and his friend back safe.
“You’ll need to help me carry it. It’s really heavy.”Cribb sighed, and all his previous enthusiasm evaporated. What had he let himself in for?

Friday, 12 June 2009

Geronimo Jacksons Five sent me the following...

"You're a pathetic human being, Execute"

When I told him I was not Execute, and why he thought so, he responded:

"Execute, was the only person who posted fake replies about me. And if you keep it up I'm going to sue you for defamation of character. Now make that into a new meme."

So I did.

Even though I have never posted "fake replies" about him, and everything I attributed to him was true, I'm still pretty sure he will go through with his threat. He is a man of his world, after all.

Friday, 5 June 2009

The Day The LOST Board Died, by JS Got Lost

To the tune of "American Pie"

A long, long time ago...I can still remember
How that Lost Board used to make me smile.
And I would always take the chance
To watch Sage and not_de_way's romance
And, maybe they'd be happy for a while.
But 4/23 made me shiver
With spoiler trolls so lily-livered.
Shotgun blasts me to the floor;
I can't watch this anymore.
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about who might have died,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Lost Board died.

So bye-bye to Aquarian Guy
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai.
And the good old boys,
still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die."

Did you write the Book of Love
And do you have faith in Cribb above
If ZeBlackBibleSalesman says so?
Ah, do you believe in rock and roll?
Can Daniel save your mortal soul
And can he teach you where to put a dildo?
Well I know that you're in love with Jim
Cause I saw you buy T-shirts from him.
The phrase across your boobs,
Well it really confused the n00bs.
Oh, but then one day we ran out of luck
The IMDb board began to suck
We moved to a place where we could say "fuck"
The day the Lost Board died

I started singin'"Bye-bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai."
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singin' "this'll be the day that I die.
This'll be the day that I die."

Now for ten days we've been on our own,
Cuing our own gay ass trombone
But that's not how it used to be,
When the Jester decided to be mean
And spoil The Variable's final scene
A scream was heard from you and me
Oh and while the Jester dicked around
Reporting Monkey beat us down,
Our first hiding place upturned,
No, we never could returnA
nd while Vozzek wrote a book on the "box"
And Dark just sneered like Dr. Cox,
Woe to the Walter Eagles and Eccohawks
The day the Lost Board died.

We were singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Helter skelter, in a late spring swelter
We moved to our own fallout shelter
"fifty people vanished into thin air",
And there we were all amassed
Told the trolls to kiss our ass
With Dark on the sidelines in a wheelchair
Now in the space of one sweet afternoon
We were back to writing a meme for Boone
L-O-L, thanks in advance,
Oh, but I wonder, does it make sense?
Cause the spoiler trolls tried to take our field
Our Barracks brethren refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the Lost Board died?

We started singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die"

Oh and there we were all in our new place
Telling all the trolls "your FACE!"
We're happy we could start again,
So come on Chack Be Nimble, Chack Be Quick!
Chack shoulda stayed down, the prick
Cause jealousy's the spoilers' only friend
Oh, and as I watched IMDb's front page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
But no reason there to dwell,
My friends had bid farewell
And as the flames were traded through the night
The Barracks called like a beacon light
I saw Salesman laughing with delight
The day the Lost Board died

He was singing,"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die"

I met up with some Lost Board dudes
And I asked them for some happy news
They just smiled and turned away,
I went down to the scene of war
Where we'd had OT fun just days before,
But there was nobody left to come and play
And in the threads, the lights were out
No one to help eachother out
Audacity and horrible eyes,
Quoting things and silly/rude/ies,
And the board members I admire most
(Like I'd reveal that in this post!)
They're Barracks bound, they've raised a toast,
The day the Lost Board died

And they were singing,
"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Were singing "this'll be the day that I die,
This'll be the day that I die
"They were singing,
"Bye bye to Aquarian Guy,
Take it easy stevefosleazy,
hugs to omg-hai"
And the good old boys, still on their 4/20 high
Singing "this'll be the day that I die"

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Monster??? SPOILERS by BonJ0vi813

Newbies often come to the board to be bombarded with sarcastic and joke answers. Yet none were as memorable as the time Bonj0vi813 graced our shores. It provided a comedy platform for many members, and cruel it may be, we laughed at his frustration. His bewildered reaction to the reception he got became the board's motto, and was quoted endlessly by the other members , along with every other line he wrote - several users could recite his posts off by heart. One of the funniest parts of the thread is when he is given the correct answer but dismisses it. It is the second longest-running thread in the LOST board's history, surviving from 15th September 2008 to 27th April 2009. As Bish-Fiscuit said : "It was the tale of one man's failure to triumph over adversity. We will never forget you, BonJ0vi813. Your message of love and tolerance has inspired us all." Most of the thread composed of quotes being repeated again and again, but I bring you just the highlights. Despite his fame, Bonj0vi813 is yet to return to the LOST board due to the important demands of his job, but we live in hope.

BONJ0VI813: ive never watched lost till today so bare with me please im a not gonna be able to watch the next 3 episodes from season 1 on can someone tell me please what this scary monster thing that killed the pilot and chases them is?

BISH-FISCUIT: Oh, you're going to be so disappointed.

BONJOVI813: i figured as wut is it?


BONJOVI813: is it the dog?

BISH-FISCUIT: I like to think so.

PERCEHONSON: It's Bon Jovi in a monks robe. He kills people with a waterhose and a giant pair of scissors.

CHAIRMAN LMAO: Don't listen to any of them, they are lying. It is a shapeshifter, exactly like the one in Terminator 2. There is an inside joke on the board that it is a cloud of black smoke, ignore any fool who says that.

BONJOVI813: why are u all like this??? ive posted on many boards on imdb and ive never had responses like this....we're here to help eachother out

DRFEELGOODHITOFTHESUMMER: You've come to a bad place BonJovi..

CHAIRMAN LMAO: I gave you a serious answer you ungrateful man. It is a shapeshifter, end of story. Therefore, it can become anything. If I was lying I would tell you some crap about a 500 year old invisible guy in a cabin that runs the island.

BISH-FISCUIT: I really like this quote. This should be our motto". The Lost Board: why are u all like this??? we're here to help eachother out


NYCUB: I agree Bish. I will add it to my repertoire of non-sequiturs, along with Shirtless Sawyer, It makes sense, I collect soil samples and I was just on a ferris wheel.

ASUKA-ON-A-STICK (JAYTRIX): It's a puff of black smoke...I sht you not. Black. Smoke.

BONJOVI813: wutever thanks for nothing.

BISH-FISCUIT: LOL! Yeah, how dare you tell him that the monster is made up of black smoke. That's just absurd.

DANCEBATMANDANCE: Black smoke? Wtf. What a lie. It's an actual monster. Some sort of large, dinosaur-like creature.

DRUNKEN BEARDED JACK: Why is spoilers in the title of the thread? If you do not know what the smoke monster is how can you spoil us?

BONJOVI813: spoilers is there because some people like me who havent seen lost and want to may not wanna kno wut it is

DANCEBATMANDANCE: If you want to know, why not just watch the show? It's not like you need to wait for the episodes. There's DVDs, reruns, and online episodes.

BONJOVI813: time.....i lack it...i have a demanding important job

MISTER EFF: Really? 'Cause you kinda sound like a twelve year old.

THE TOKER: Of course he does, he's f*%£$ng Iron Man!!

RUFIO90210: yeah, bon jovi has to go back on tour. he doesnt have time to wait and find out what the baloney monster is.

EBOYKEN: If only he was named bonj0vi815 instead of 813, then he could be kinda cool

BONJOVI813: wow it really is black smoke thanks Asuka-on-a-stick

ECCOHAWK: why has no one told him it was a pissed off giraffe yet!?!

STOPYFUEH: Good point. I guess we're not as sharp as you, Hawkman!

GIRAFFE MONSTER: But I’m not pissed.

ECCOHAWK: in all seriousness, bon jovi, the monster is called richard

JAIME222: Dude, you just gotta keep watching, there is so much more to see. This show is addicting so beware. Don't bother replying to the dorks who are mean on message boards...behind a computer, a lot of pathetic losers get god-complexes and become self-righteous because they are safely tucked away in their mother's basement with their cat on their lap and cheeto stained Styx T-shirts.

MIKHAILS EYEPATCH: I resent that! I wear REM T-shirts

SUN KWON: in all seriousness, the monster is a huge cluster of those small flies/bees that john coffey would spew out in the green mile. somehow they all migrated to the island. i think it has something to do with the warm weather...

BATMITE111: It look to me like this poster had a relevant question and you all just turned on him like a pack of huonds. disgusted

KUSH93: Wutever thanks for nothing

MISSMORTICIA: Why thank you, humourless troll! Somehow, I TOTALLY missed this thread until now, and I had NO idea where "why are u all like this?" came from!

BATMITE111: Nobody answere his question. Why ARE you all like this to other posters who just want to discus lost?


BATMITE111: Yes you did kick this poor poster when he was down. Saddist

TARHEELS2002: What the hell is a "saddist"?

HOWSITFEELSLIKE: You know I almost forgot why I actually love this board and then I seen this thread and I knew you regular guys were gonna just tease the hell out this poor kid. it's hilarious.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Should Sarah Palin be allowed to eat where you eat? by Percehonson

Surreal randomness at it's best, with Perce and Rose both on top form. People tried to make these style threads a regular thing for a while, but they weren't as successful because they couldn't match the spontaneity of this one.

PERCEHONSON: I don't think she should be allowed. She should die in a fire and stay out of everyones affairs if you ask me. She can't keep her eyes to herself. KEEP HER OUT OF OUR RESTAURANTS!!!! We do not need a nosy bitch telling us how to eat! This is America, it's not Alaska. We pay for food, I should be able to do with it as I please. Palin is worse than the old people. Go back to Alaska bitch.

If you go out to eat and decide to throw a roll at one of your friends heads Sarah Palin will have the manager come to her table and she will try to get him to kick you out. She needs to be banned from places so she can't cause drama.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when Sarah Palin comes up behind me in McDonalds and pinches one of my fries from over my shoulder. If she just asked if she could take one I would probably tell her to go right ahead... but it's just her assumption that I'm gonna be cool with it that bugs me. Because it's not just a one off thing, she does it to me pretty much every time I'm in there. What makes What makes it worse is that she's generally wearing just her underwear when she does it and has lipstick smeared all over her face.

PERCEHONSON: That's *beep* up. It's that kind of thing that makes her so repulsive. Man, I can't stand it when she orders like ten pizzas and charges them to the state of Alaska and then ends up throwing out like eight of them. It's such a waste of taxpayers dollars.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when she marches into the kitchen and starts telling the McDonalds staff what to do. "Flip those burgers higher" and "Put your hands in boiling fat" she screams. Pffffft - like she has any experience running a McDonalds.

PERCEHONSON: I remember one time she made her kids clean up McDonalds. She tricked them into thinking it was fun by saying the toilet bowl cakes were like hockey pucks and they got to slapshot them into the urinals. The staff really appreciated it until she leaned over the counter and took two hundred dollars out the cash register.

ROSE BEAVER: Her behaviour is even more bizarre in Burger King. She stands for hours staring at the flames on the grill, just laughing her ass off. And when it comes to closing time, she insists all the cardboard crowns are burnt on the grill because "the naughty boys and girls of tomorrow don't deserve them".

PERCEHONSON: That "children are our downfall" thing she talks about sometimes is really creepy. I don't think she should be allowed to purchase gasoline within six miles of a school.

ROSE BEAVER: I heard she once disguised herself as a school to spy on children. Nobody was fooled though because she couldn't keep a straight face whilst in the guise.

MISTERLOPAN: Whenever Sarah Palin comes over to my house uninvited and drunk on weeknights, she never wipes her feet and always tracks moose blood on the carpet. Then she sticks her nosy nose in my business, telling me that my houseplants need more water, and I really should have them in direct sunlight. I tell her that they are lowlight plants and they look better in this corner anyway, but she says that Alaska is full of plants and they all live in trees so just trust her.

I almost got into an accident on the highway once because Sarah Palin was throwing dead squirrels from an overpass into oncoming traffic. She said the squirrels needed a lift back up to Alaska, where they would be much happier.

PERCEHONSON: I remember that too. I was one of the unfortunate ones that day. I had just got done grocery shopping and was heading down the highway when something hit my windshield and caused me to lose control of my car. I ran off the road and hit a tree. I was knocked out and when I woke up Sarah Palin was in my backseat doing CPR on the loaf of bread I had just purchased.

THE TOKER: The Toker wonders why you couldn't find a patrolman to help at the scene of your accident? Has she had them all fired?

PERCEHONSON: They were too busy jumping in front of semi trucks so that the law making it illegal not to get over for stopped emergency and law enforcement vehicles would be enacted.

MISTERLOPAN: Sarah Palin and I used to work at the county park together. After picking up the morning trash (or as Sarah Palin would do, simply dump it into the river) we would go get some breakfast sandwiches at a nearby deli. She would buy a styrofoam cup of macaroni and cheese and then we'd drive to the end of the dock, where she would throw all the macaroni on the ground and wait for the seagulls to and eat it. Hiding behind the truck, she would time it so as the gulls were flying away, she would run up from behind and try to jump and grab onto one of the birds legs and fly to Europe. Mostly she just ended up in the river though. We kept a change of clothes in the glove compartment for her.

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once put me under house arrest for 6 weeks because I refused to get down on one knee and kiss her diamond ring. She then disguised herself as a scarecrow and stood in my garden for 6 weeks to ensure that I didn't leave my home. She claims that she it wasn't her, but once the 6 weeks were up the scarecrow disappeared and left a trail of muddy footprints leading to her castle.

MISTERLOPAN: One thing I'll never understand is why she had the entire west wing of that castle constructed out of Rice Krispies squares. It will only attract the most desperate variety of vagrants.

CAUGHT IN A NET: desperate vagrants and small children who become lost in the forest. perhaps she is luring them intentionally with her west wing of sweets so that she can cook them and feast on their flesh!

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once attempted to fund the assassination of Snap and Crackle because she claimed "Pop was the only one who made any sort of sense".

PERCEHONSON: Pop, huh? That sounds like the kind of 1950's throwback stuff Sarah likes. I remember I was at a car show and Sarah showed up in a beautiful classic Chevy Nomad. There was a fancy Persian rug rolled up in the backseat and it kept making muffled noises and shaking. She tried to say the carpet was magic but everyone knew she had her husband in there again.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

"So you think LOST is like Stomp?"

Short, but funny. Watching Jaytrix insult people is always entertaining but Generic Screenname's wit makes this exchange twice as good. JS had part of this thread as her sig for a bit. Generic, if you're reading this - where can I buy that cool movie you're talking about?

GENERIC SCREEN NAME: I was watching Lost on Sci-Fi today. Or was it G4? It's all over the place now. Anyway, I was watching it, and it was the one where Boone had just died and Shannon told Sayid that Locke killed her brother and asked him to do something about it. And just before it went to commercial, I heard the gay-ass trombone! It was sort of a revelation for me, because somehow I'd never heard it and was never sure what the hell parliament funk yant was talking about. But I heard it. And it was fantastic.

JAYTRIX: In other words, you don't pay attention to the show.

GENERIC SCREENAME: Those are other words, but they're completely wrong words. So you're half right. Good for you. I always heard the weird noise that's like something dropping.

JAYTRIX: So the sounds of something dropping and a musical score sound similar? You must have crap taste in music.

GENERIC SCREENAME: Geez, someone's a cranky pants today. Isn't the muscial score of Stomp just people dropping stuff, or banging on things or whatever? It's percussion, that's all I'm saying.

JAYTRIX: So you think Lost is like Stomp?

GENERIC SCREENAME: Of course not. It's like Rent.

JAYTRIX: An island of fags and trannies singing about dying of AIDS?

GENERIC SCREENAME: Yeah. Aren't we watching the same show?

JAYTRIX: Apparently not. I hear over-dramatic music before commercial breaks and not stuff dropping.

GENERIC SCREENAME: That's swell. Here's a picture of a black kid giving the thumbs up. It's from a movie about a kid who thinks he's talking to his dead father on his red toy telephone but it's really the ghost of an evil magician who's possessed a ventriloquist's dummy. Also, a fat kid gets chased by a giant cheeseburger. I sh!t you not.

Mario vs Whiteshadow

I love this thread because of Mario & WhiteShadow's hilarious bickering at eachother. Also, I love how it got immediatly sent off-topic and taken over by a feud between the two - Mario's opening line is still my favourite bit. Background on this thread is that Costly Rise Mario went by the name PenisLasagna for a while, which caused people to put him on ignore. WhiteShadow is also on a lot of people's ignore lists for spamming. I think of them as the comedy sidekicks of the LOST board, the Charlie and Hurley.

(Original post date: September 13 2008)

WHITESHADOW: how great is it? there it is for those of you who haven't seen it.

COSTLY RISE MARIO: You have never offended me.

WHITESHADOW: Right, you've lost me there.

COSTLY RISE MARIO: just get off my back sometimes.

WHITESHADOW: yeah, sorry about that. But would you mind changing your name cos i dont wanna put you on ignore?

COSTLY RISE MARIO: i forgive you. sure.

WHITESHADOW: HUH? You changed your name?

COSTLY RISE MARIO: yeah, i don't want to offend anyone

WHITESHADOW: Do you want me to start a thread saying you've changed your name for those who have you on ignore?

COSTLY RISE MARIO: who has me on ignore?

WHITESHADOW: people who didn't like your name.

COSTLY RISE MARIO: do you remember specifically who?

WHITESHADOW: No i do not. Why the interrogation?

COSTLY RISE MARIO: i think more people have you on ignore than they do me.

WHITESHADOW: Well done, do you want a gold star? I was just asking if you wanted people to know you'd changed your name. Obviously not

COSTLY RISE MARIO: i'm just saying that it wouldn't make sense for you to tell people to take me off ignore, because everyone already has you on ignore, so they wouldn't be able to read it.

WHITESHADOW: Slow down there Sherlock. I'm sure that the person i saw said they had you on ignore (yes i cant remember who, i think it was someone like PeachesButterScotch?), doesn't have me on ignore. Hence the somewhat kind offer to post a thread.

COSTLY RISE MARIO: Oh okay, my dear Watson. true, you did offer to make a thread, but you also offered me a gold star, which I took to be like the black star in Mario Party 1. sorry to compare you to bowser, but you are sometimes.

WHITESHADOW: Ok can we stop arguing now? I don't have anything against you apart from you just jumped down my throat saying everyones got me on ignore when i was offering to tell people to take you off ignore. So can we put aside our differences and move on?

COSTLY RISE MARIO: if you want.

WHITESHADOW: well yes i would rather.

COSTLY RISE MARIO: would you rather... make amends with me or be an extra on "Lost"

WHITESHADOW: make amends with you. Being an extra on Lost would make it lose its magic for me.

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

The racism of LOST by Truth First

A popular American television programme is “Lost” which is supposedly about survivors of an airplane crash who find themselves stranded on a mysterious island. Like other American television programmes and films it relishes in racial stereotyping of Africans. “Lost” in many ways is particularly offensive. Some examples: An African man who survives the plane crash with his son is depicted as a somewhat mentally-unstable individual who quickly resorts to violence. He has a white slave-owners name (Michael Dawson) and Michael murders women, fights with a Korean and shown to be weak-minded and easily manipulated by the white men who control the island. In the most recent insult, Michael is forced join the crew of a ship as a mere deckhand who mops the floor. Michael is the stereotypical image of a house-slave ready to do the white man’s bidding. Other offences: An African man called Mr. Eko is portrayed as being murderous drug dealer and there are “flashback” sequences which depict Africa as a place where armed drug dealers rule the land and create violence and mayhem. An unnamed African woman BEGS a white man to shoot and kill her and there’s a monster on the island which shown to be black smoke, another false metaphor representing the white man’s fears of Africa. As Alla Kimmendae writes, “The white man at his very core fears what he does not and cannot understand. He has no soul and is unable to escape his innate bias and hatred”. When the white man first washed up upon the shores of Africa he saw civilization for the first time. He saw the great African cities, the written word, art and science and it made the white man feel small and insignificant. The white tries to make Africa seem small and insignificant with entertainment such as "Lost".

BENJAMIN LINUS MARK III: Oh, I love these! I heartily agree with you OP, you're right about eeeeeeeeeeeeeverything .
CAPITAINE GAULT: What about Rose? She was all "Mm-mm. Snap. Don't you touch my peanuts, boy" towards Miles.
SUNSHINEBABEE: I knew we were long overdue for one of these!
STEVEFOSHEEZY: Michael Dawson drinks orange soda!!
BENJAMIN LINUS MARK III: Not to mention he drove a Cadillac.
POOL SHARK 89: What about all of the other racial, ethnical and cultural stereotypes that are depicted on this show? Such as Jin's original overbearing attitude, his behavior regarding his "shameful" background, and Sun's typically portrayed domineering father? And Desmond's European alcoholic portrayal for the first few episodes?
STOPYFUEH: Nice try, Harold! We know it's you. Oh, and could you stop mentioning "the white man" as a collective? Or do you mean this guy? 007/10/michelin_man. gif
STOPYFUEH: Like other American television programmes and films it relishes in racial stereotyping of Africans
They relish it, do they? I love the idea of Damon and Carlton sitting down and excitedly saying "You know what we need for season 5? More ways of degrading black people! Lets show Walt smoking crack, whilst meanwhile Rose is forced to eat the white people’s leftovers
SAMSQUANCH: Ooo! Better yet! Rose finds a watermelon patch and starts selling fried chicken!
KING OF BOB: It's ignorant twits like yourself that allow racism to continue. This entire article is more racist than ANYTHING that has been on Lost.
MAIDMARCIA: “The white man at his very core fears what he does not and cannot understand. He has no soul and is unable to escape his innate bias and hatred”.
say what now? lemme guess...that was said by a white person amirite!?!? jinxsies don't stop now!
MINDBAIT: it's not just racism towards black people and koreans etc, there is anti-white racism. like the bit where ben says to hurley "you know those crackers are 15 years old" there was actually a shot that got deleted of some white teenaged others. ben linus is a disgusting racist!
ISLANDEYE: "In "Lost", Africans are depicted as being unstable, murderous, deceptive and dangerous. Michael (pictured above) is portrayed as an erratic individual who is easily manipulated by the white man. "
No, on Lost EVERYONE is depicted as being unstabl, murderous, deceptive and dangerous
TRUTH FIRST: It’s the truth.
ZEFANCYPHONESALESMAN: Yeah, and I’m Robert De Niro
REDFIELD5333: this guys retarded... hey hey hey Charlie Boone and Shannon Die i guess they're racist against white people too.
MUSCLE BOB: I hear season 5 will dive right into the Black Rock backstory and help explain the brave white slave owners struggle in conquering the evil black slaves reign of tyranny upon crashing onto the island. I also hear that they'll just use white actors to play the part of slaves but put make up on them for continuity purposes. I'm excited and looking forward to it.
BITCHES MCSTEVE: This thread is hysterical.
WALTER EAGLE: This post is more racist than anything in Lost ever was. It also ignores well over half of the show's events and contradicts itself.
BITCHES MCSTEVE: I only pray that threads like this are a complete joke. I'm gonna have to go with Serious on this one though.
ROBVILLA1981: Look at his history!!! Im amazed that someone can troll that much! Kind of a waste of time isnt it? Its not like you accomplished anything.
DESMONDCHARLIEMILESJAMES (NEON): You lie because you fear Barack Obama and the truth. TruthFirst, what are you trying to prove.
GREG92-1: Uh...The EVIL DRUG LORD was actually from Nigeria...and was a fan favorite. The un named african woman was NAMED: Beatrice Klugh Walt isnt even remotely close to being portrayed as mentally unstable either. His episode is entittled SPECIAL. Like hes special, cool, has awesome powers etc. these people should prob look up their facts before posting something like this...
JAYTRIX: It's threads like these that make me regret our forefathers' decision to take the blacks from Africa. We could have gotten comparable slave labor from sheep or a half trained monkey
INDEPENDENT THINKER: You have nothing to say about what the white above you wrote? Typical from you people.
HOLLYBOB: You people?Thats not generalizing?Well you have forced me to stoop to your level,so here it goes.Blacks like YOU PEOPLE are whats wrong with America, not whites.If YOU PEOPLE would leave the g@d d^&n past in the past and find a way to move forward with us instead of against us,then maybe we could heal from slavery.But YOU PEOPLE keep pickin the scab and makin it bleed over and over
PYRAM1DHEAD: Successful troll is successful. Why did you come here just to make that one post, by the way?
HOLLY BOB: Because he sent me a nasty P.M.
INDEPENDENT THINKER: "If YOU PEOPLE would leave the g@d d^&n past in the past and find a way to move forward with us instead of against us,then maybe we could heal from slavery."
Because racism ended after slavery? You do know racism is still very present in the 21st century. I see you don't...unless it's allegedly agianst the whites somehow. You people are surreal.
WONKYDOC: "Typical from you people." is a generalization and against what you preach
THESTEPHENS_5: Dude... WTF are you talking about? you deserve to have the *beep* slapped out of you for saying that crap... Jaytrix .. im talking to you
JAMIE HERON: " on the island which shown to be black smoke, another false metaphor representing the white man’s fears of Africa. "
You ever seen white smoke?

The LOST board's top 50 LOST moments

INTRO: The list is a compilation of several user’s top 10 moments. I created the list by collecting people’s lists from various “Post your top 10 moments” threads and put it together by figuring out which ones came up the most often and how high etc. I had a lot of fun making it, and I hope LOST fans are happy with the results. I took lists from the following users: canon 108, Deathly Hopsicle, Ilyrias Acolyte, Walter Eagle, Bish-Fiscuit, Optical Allusion, Dr Yes, the sandheaver, Luhks, Katieziew, AdnanZ, Movee fan, Lindsey t15, Chackington, Contarl, j1977, jayroh, Stopyfueh, Margaery Tyrell, Nepenut, Rthhcd, T3cii, Evildead93 and probably more. If you retrospectively wish you could've taken part in this but didn't, I might do an updated list after season 5 finishes so look out for that.

50. Jack and Kate break up
(Season 4, Episode 10 – Something Nice Back Home)

KATE: If you have problems, you need to figure them out. I can't have you like this around my son.
JACK: Your son? You're not even related to him!

This is the scene where Jack and Kate’s blissful union comes to an end after Jack finds out Kate is doing a favour for Sawyer and reacts angrily. It starts a downward spiral for Jack and is the origin of Drunk Bearded Jack.

49. Henry Gale exposed as an Other
(Season 2, Episode 17 - Lockdown)

BEN: Couldn't you find my balloon?
ANA: Yeah, we found it.
SAYID: We did find your balloon, Henry Gale, exactly how you described it. We also found the grave you described -- your wife's grave. The grave you said you dug with your own bare hands. It was all there. Your whole story -- your alibi -- it was true. But still I did not believe it to be true. So I dug up that grave and found that there was not a woman inside, there was a man. A man named Henry Gale.

One of season two’s best storylines, the “is he or isn’t he?” debate about Henry Gale reaches its climax when Sayid and Ana Lucia return with the news they busted his cover story. A prime example of Sayid’s badassness.

48. Hurley’s speech to Danielle
(Season 1, Episode 18 - Numbers)

HURLEY: Ok, that thing in the woods, maybe it's a monster, maybe it's a pissed off giraffe, I don't know. The fact that no one is even looking for us, yeah, that's weird, but I just go along with it because I'm along for the ride, good old fun time Hurley. Well guess what? Now, I want some friggin' answers.

Hurley confronts Danielle about the numbers she has written down, as they are the same numbers that have played a part in his past. Like all Hurley monologues it does a great job of speaking for the audience.

47. Nikki and Paulo are buried alive
(Season 3, Episode 14 - Expose)

Unlikeable newbies Nikki and Paulo are given a grisly and terrifying demise in the form of being buried alive, after Sawyer and Hurley et al believe the paralysed duo are actually dead. Creepy!

46. Monster kills the Pilot
(Season 1, Episode 1 – Pilot part one)

Captain Seth Norris (Greg Grunberg, later of Heroes fame) becomes the first victim of the monster in rather gory fashion, in a suspenseful scene taken straight out of a horror movie.

45. Charlie shares his greatest hits
(Season 3, Episode 21 – Greatest Hits)

CHARLIE: It's the five best moments of my sorry excuse for a life. My greatest hits. You know, memories. They're all I've got.

Greatest Hits hits a big emotional beat even for people who weren’t that fond of Charlie Pace. The scene where Charlie turns over his list of his life’s best moments (number one being when he first met Claire) is some of Dominic Monaghan’s best acting. What become of the list? Well, Desmond soaked it, the stupid Scot bastard!

44. Charlie visits Hurley
(Season 4, Episode 1 – The Beginning Of The End)

CHARLIE: Hey man. Don't run. I wanna talk to you. Cmon, don't do what you did in the store, ok? There's no need to freak out.
HURLEY: No need to freak out? I'm trying to buy some jerky and a slushy, and suddenly you're standing over there by the Ho Hos. You're dead, what do you expect me to do?
CHARLIE: Can we just sit down?
HURLEY: I may be in a mental hospital, but I know you're dead and I'm not having an imaginary conversation with you.
CHARLIE: I am dead. But I'm also here.

Hurley shares a last moment with the ghost of Charlie outside Santa Rosa. A nice reunion for one of the shows best double acts, and also furthers the plot of the O6 having to go back.

43. The Oceanic Six come home
(Season 4, Episode 12 – There’s No Place Like Home part one)

Jack, Kate, Sun, Sayid and Hurley step off the plane to be greeted by their families in an emotional reunion.

42. Jin beats up Mike
(Season 1, Episode 6 – House Of The Rising Sun)

Jin launches a seemingly unprovoked attack on Michael and nearly kills him. One of Jin’s best fights.

41. Blast door map
(Season 2, Episode 17 - Lockdown)

Radzinksy’s creation is unveiled for the first time when Locke, trapped under the door, is witness to a UV light revealing the invisible map of the Island. An intriguing and suprising revelation – this scene was analysed the hell out of by freeze framers!

40. Sayid meets Kevin Johnson
(Season 4, Episode 7 – Ji Yeon)

MICHAEL: Kevin Johnson
SAYID: It’s nice to meet you, Kevin

Doc Ray orders the janitor to clean a blood stain in Desmond and Sayid’s new room. When he comes closer, Sayid sees the man is a familiar face, Michael Dawson. The payoff to the man on the boat mystery and also a great return for cast member Harold Perrineau.

39. Ben shoots Locke
(Season 3, Episode 20 – The Man Behind The Curtain)

BEN: What did Jacob say to you?
LOCKE: Why did you do this?
BEN: Because you heard him. Now, I need to know what he said.
LOCKE: Help me...
BEN: John, I'm not going to ask you again. What did he say to you?
LOCKE: He said, "Help me."
BEN: Well, I certainly hope he helps you, John.

Threatened by Locke, Ben takes his gun, puts a bullet in him, and leaves him to die in the Dharma death pit. It’s one of the shows biggest shock endings.

38. Arzt blows himself up
(Season 1, Episode 24 – Exodus part two)

ARZT: Any of you ever hear about the guy who invented nitroglycerin? Probably not -- because he blew his freaking face off. His lab assistant came into the room, saw that his mentor detonated, and he said, "Huh, I guess this stuff does work." Alright, we're not going to take any more of this stuff than we need because nitroglycerin is extremely temperamental, so we…

Irritating high school teacher Dr Arzt blows himself up during a (failed) demonstration of how to use dynamite safely. It’s a moment that makes you jump out of your seat and is comical in a very dark way.

37. Boone dies
(Season 1, Episode 20 – Do No Harm)

BOONE: Tell Shannon…

Clumsy Boone has fallen out of a plane and Jack is unable to save him. This scene is the moment of his passing, and the first significant death of the series. Interestingly this scene is contrasted with Claire giving birth at the same time – a comment on the circle of life.

36. The plane boarding
(Season 1, Episode 24 – Exodus part two)

A montage shows the 14 survivors getting on the fateful flight, before their lives change forever. A very moving moment, with great music from Giacchino.

35. Sayid beats up Ben
(Season 2, Episode 14 – One Of Them)

SAYID: Listen to me. You said you buried your wife. Tell me where.
BEN: What are you going to...?
SAYID: Where!?
BEN: In the jungle. By the balloon, in the jungle.
SAYID: How deep? How deep did you dig the grave?
BEN: I don't -- it was...
SAYID: How deep? How many shovelfuls of earth? Did you use your hands? How long did it take you?
BEN: I don't remember.
SAYID: You would remember! You would remember how deep. You would remember every shovelful, every moment. You would remember what it felt like to place her body inside. You would remember if you buried the woman you loved. You would remember -- if it were true!

Still grieving for Shannon, Sayid lets all his rage out on new prisoner Henry (who we now know as Ben). On the other side of the door, Jack forces Locke to let him in or he’ll let the timer go down. One of Naveen Andrews’ finest scenes.

34. Hurley’s dash to the airport
(Season 1, Episode 24 – Exodus part two)

HURLEY: Uh-oh, what uh-oh?
TICKET AGENT: It appears that your flight is already boarding in the Oceanic international terminal. Well, this is the domestic terminal. I don't think you're meant to make this flight, dear.

Season one has many comedy Hurley moments (the scene where his house burns down in Numbers was one of my picks that missed out.) But one of the best is definitely Hurley trying everything to make it to the airport on time despite fate not wanting him to. The music is great. We see the numbers…twice, actually…and the punchline (Flight attendant: “It’s your lucky Day!”) is hilarious. The ultimate irony is Hurley gets on the plane, and then the plane crashes, so he still didn’t make his mom’s birthday party.

33. Eko stares into the smoke
(Season 2, Episode 10 – The 23rd Psalm)

An epic face-off when Nigerian Warlord Mr Eko stands his ground against the black smoke cloud, demonstrating his fearlessness. Freeze framers found hidden treats in the form of images of Eko’s past, which reveals a lot about the Monster’s nature.

32. “Kate Dammit Run!”
(Season 3, Episode 6 – I Do)

JACK: If I don't get a call from you in the next hour, I'm going to know something went wrong, and HE DIES!
KATE: I can't leave without you!
JACK: Yes, you are. Go!
KATE: Jack! I can't!
JACK: Go, now!
KATE: I can't!
JACK: Kate, dammit, RUN!

The cliffhanger to the mid-season hiatus that ensured we all wanted more, Jack cuts Ben open to allows his friends to go free.

31. Sawyer kills Sawyer
(Season 3, Episode 19 – The Brig)

SAWYER: Read it.
COOPER: “Dear Mr Sawyer”. What is this?
SAWYER: Just read it.
COOPER: “You don't know who I am, but I know who you are. And I know what you done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away, so he got angry and he killed my mother, and then he killed himself” blah blah blah blah. So what? Is this supposed to be you, you wrote this letter? Hey wait a second. Did you take my name because you were on some kind of revenge kick?
SAWYER: Keep reading.

Sawyer gets the vengeance he’s been wanting all his life when he kills Locke’s dad, the man who ruined his life. Probably the biggest moment in his character arc.

30. Jack’s “live together, die alone” speech
(Season 1, Episode 5 – White Rabbit)

JACK: It's been six days and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. But what if they don't? We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim and he tried to save her, and now you're about to crucify him? We can't do this. Everyman for himself is not going to work. It's time to start organizing. We need to figure out how we're going to survive here. Now, I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. I'll take a group in at first light. If you don't want to go come then find another way to contribute. Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And god knows how long we're going to be here. But if we can't live together, we're going to die alone.

Jack stops everyone fighting eachother and brings them together as a team, taking charge at last. A classic speech that has been referenced many times on the show since.

29. The purge
(Season 3, Episode 20 – The Man Behind The Curtain)

We get to see an important part of Island history as The Others wipe out Dharma and take back the Island, whilst on a personal level, Ben kills his mean drunk of a dad. It’s by far the most chilling thing Ben has ever done.

28. “You guys got any milk?”
(Season 2, Episode 16 – The Whole Truth)

BEN: Of course, if I was one of them -- these people that you seem to think are your enemies -- what would I do? Well, there'd be no balloon, so I'd draw a map to a real secluded place like a cave or some underbrush -- good place for a trap -- an ambush. And when your friends got there a bunch of my people would be waiting for them. Then they'd use them to trade for me. I guess it's a good thing I'm not one of them, huh? You guys got any milk?

One of Ben’s finest lines, and a great little scene from Michael Emerson.

27. Barracks siege
(Season 4, Episode 9 – The Shape Of Things To Come)

ALEX: Dad... They're serious. They killed Karl and my mother.
BEN: Alex... I have this under control. Everything's gonna be okay.
KEAMY: You have ten seconds, Ben.
BEN: She's not my daughter. I stole her as a baby from an insane woman. She's a pawn, nothing more. She means nothing to me. I'm not coming out of this house. So if you want to kill her, go ahead and do it--

The Barracks come under heavy fire from Keamy’s military men, and it’s up to Sawyer to save Claire and take her back to the house. Keamy threatens to kill Alex. Ben tries to bluff that he doesn’t care about her, and tells Keamy to kill her. Keamy obliges. One of the show’s most shocking and uncomfortable scenes.

26. The fightback against the Others
(Season 3, Episode 22 – Through The Looking Glass)

Sawyer and Juliet are about to take on Tom, Ryan and Jason unarmed. Suddenly, Hurley bursts onto the beach in the Dharma van and runs over Ryan. Sayid introduces Jason’s neck to his feet, and Tom surrenders, who is then shot by Sawyer.

25. Wonderwall
(Season 3, Episode 8 – Flashes Before Your Eyes)

DESMOND: Where do I know you from?
CHARLIE: Look, I don't know, but I'll remember if I could get some help.
DESMOND: You're Charlie.
CHARLIE: Yeah, name's on the sign.
DESMOND: It -- it was in the hatch. I remember seeing you. There was a -- there was a computer. There was a button. We -- we were on an island.
CHARLIE: We are on an island, mate. This is England.
DESMOND: No, it was real, man. I remember.
CHARLIE: Hey, alright. This is why we don't do drugs.
DESMOND: No this -- I remember this. This all happened before. I remember that he said I wasn't worthy -- and then I came down and I took off my tie and I -- and then I lost my tie and Penny said where was it and then it started to rain and...

Desmond confronts Charlie in the streets of London as he starts to get the memory of his past (or should that be future?) life back. Watching the frustrated Desmond play against the wisecracking Charlie is a great moment. Part of Henry Ian Cusick’s best performance, but also a sly in-joke (Driveshaft are heavily based on Oasis) and some nice foreshadowing (Desmond will be the one to save him like the lyrics suggest)

24. Eko’s death
(Season 3, Episode 5 - The Cost Of Living)

EKO: I ask for no forgiveness, Father. For I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive. A small boy once asked me if I was a bad man. If I could answer him now, I would tell him that... when I was a young boy, I killed a man to save my brother's life. I am not sorry for this. I am proud of this! I did not ask for the life that I was given. But it was given, nonetheless. And with it... I did my best.

The smoke monster has come to judge Eko in the form of his brother Yemi. Eko refuses to accept his actions have been sins. And for that, the smoke monster takes his life. Eko departs with one of the show’s best speeches, ensuring a great ending to a great character.

23. Trapping Ethan
(Season 1, Episode 15 - Homecoming)

The A-team (Jack, Locke, Sayid, Kate and Sawyer) all work together for the first time and manage to stop Ethan from taking Claire again. However, just as Jack demands answers, Charlie shoots him in order to keep Claire safe.

22. Ethan revelation
(Season 1, Episode 10 - Raised By Another)

HURLEY: We've got a problem. The manifest, the names of everyone who survived, all 46 of us. I interviewed everyone. Here, at the beach, got their names. One of them isn't in the manifest. He wasn't on the plane.

Hurley runs up to Jack at the caves to tell him the troubling news. Cut to creepy Ethan staring down on Claire and Charlie. The First real twist of the season.

21. Hurley gets the van going
(Season 3, Episode 10 – Tricia Tanaka Is Dead)

Hurley proves to himself there is no curse by managing to jumpstart the Dharma van he found in the jungle down a hill. Cue a montage of a smiling Hurley, Jin, Sawyer and Charlie as they ride around in the van. You may be interested to know number 51 on this list was Hurley making the golf course from Solitary, a similar feelgood moment.

20. The Others witness the crash
(Season 3, Episode 1 – A Tale Of Two Cities)

Juliet’s bookclub is interrupted by Oceanic 815’s flightplath straight over the Barracks. It’s an awesome moment that reveals the real living conditions of the Others, who we all thought were hillbillies.
19. Jack makes the call
(Season 3, Episode 22 – Through The Looking Glass)

LOCKE: I don't wanna shoot you. Please. Put the phone down.
JACK: No. You're done keeping me on this Island.
LOCKE: I will kill you if I have to.
JACK: Then do it, John.
LOCKE: Jack. You're not supposed to do this.

Three seasons of Jack / Locke conflict finally came to the boil as Locke, who has just killed Naomi, threatens to shoot Jack if he doesn’t drop the phone. Jack stubbornly stands his ground and calls Locke’s bluff. A really intense climax.

18. “We’re not the only people on this Island and we all know it!”
(Season 1, Episode 17 – In Translation)

LOCKE: They've attacked us, sabotaged us, abducted us, murdered us. Maybe it's time we stop blaming us and start worrying about them. We're not the only people on this island and we all know it.

Just after the revelation that Sun can speak English, Locke steps up to defend Jin and pose his theory that the Others burned Michael’s raft. One of Locke’s best speeches.

17. Hurley and Libby’s kiss
(Season 2, Episode 18 - Dave)

HURLEY: This isn't happening. None of it. I'm just imagining it. This isn't real life.
LIBBY: Why would you say that?
HURLEY: Because in real life -- no girl like you would ever like me.
LIBBY: What was the man's name who broke his leg? The day of the crash on the other side of the Island, Eko brought a man with a broken leg to me for help. What was his name?
HURLEY: I don't know.
LIBBY: You don't know. You know why? Because it happened to me. His name was Donald, and I buried him. I buried a lot of people, Hurley. So don't tell me that that wasn't real. And don't tell me you made me up. It's insulting. Hurley, look at me. I am real. You're real. The way I feel about you -- that's real.

A tender moment from the couple, where Libby convinces Hurley that the Island is real and Dave was just fucking with him. Yep, I hope Libby and Hurley last forev…oh wait.

16. Locke meets Jacob
(Season 3, Episode 20 – The Man Behind The Curtain)

LOCKE: You're putting on a show for me? Or do you really think there's someone there?
BEN: I know there's someone there!
LOCKE: You don't know anything.
BEN: I'm sorry you feel that way, John. And I'm sorry that you're too limited to see.
LOCKE: You're pathetic.
JACOB: Help me.
LOCKE: What did you just say?
BEN: I—I didn't say anything.

Ben takes Locke to see Jacob, but all Locke sees is an empty chair. As he walks out angrily, Locke hears a voice. Suddenly, the whole cabin starts to shake – what the hell did we just see? One of the most creepy and weirdest moments in LOST history. With lesser actors, the scene would fall flat. Instead, Michael and Terry give possibly their strongest performances of the series.

15. Ben moves the Island
(Season 4, Episode 13 – There’s No Place Like Home part two)

Ben goes down into the Orchid basement, to turn a giant wheel which will banish him. But it’s not the Donkey Wheel reveal that makes the scene special. The scene gives sympathy to a generally unsympathetic character. Possibly the best scene involving a giant Frozen Donkey wheel in the history of television, or at least in the top three.

14. Sawyer tells Jack about his father
(Season 1, Episode 23 – Exodus part one)

SAWYER: Going into the jungle after the boom sticks, huh?
JACK: Yeah.
SAWYER: By the time you get back, we'll be in the water. Guess this is pretty much goodbye, then.
JACK: Yeah, I guess it is. Good luck, Sawyer.
SAWYER: Jack. -- About a week before we all got on the plane, I got to talking to this man in a bar in Sydney. He was American, too. A doctor. I've been on some benders in my time, but this guy -- he was going for an all time record. So, it turns out this guy has a son. His son's a doctor, too. They had some kind of big time falling out. The guy knew it was his fault, even though his son was back in the States thinking the same damn thing. See, kids are like dogs, you knock them around enough they'll think they did something to deserve it. Anyway, there's a pay phone in this bar. And this guy, Christian, tells me he wishes he had the stones to pick up the phone, call his kid, tell him he's sorry, that he's a better doctor than he'll ever be -- he's proud, and he loves him. I had to take off, but -- something tells me he never got around to making that call. Small world, huh?

Just before he leaves in the raft, Sawyer tells Jack about the time he met his father in a bar, who told him that he loves Jack and doesn’t blame him – the news Jack has wanted to hear for ages. An emotional moment that makes great use of the flashback connections.

13. Charlie drowns
(Season 3, Episode 22 – Through The Looking Glass)

Moments after Charlie contacts Penny, Mikhail detonates a grenade from outside that breaks the window, flooding the room. Charlie closes the door to save Desmond and just manages to write on his hand “NOT PENNY’S BOAT” before drowning. It’s a touching death. Though I still don’t understand why he didn’t just swim out the window.

12. Desmond turns the failsafe key
(Season 2, Episode 23 – Live Together, Die Alone)

The whole world inside the hatch is crashing down, and Desmond’s last shot at saving it is to turn the key. As he prepares to turn, he recalls Penny’s inspirational words “All we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us”. Then Desmond uses THE POWER OF LOVE to save the day. A dramatic and intense climax to the 2nd season. Let's not forget also the moment where Locke realises he was wrong.

11. Jack revives Charlie
(Season 1, Episode 11 – All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues)

Kate and Jack find Charlie hanging from a tree, nearly dead. Kate cuts him down and Jack starts performing CPR. Kate thinks Charlie is gone but Jack just won’t give up, and eventually he revives him. Says a lot about Jack's character and his "never-say-die" attitude, and a sobbing Kate is great too.

10. Ben confronts Widmore
(Season 4, Episode 9 – The Shape Of Things To Come)

WIDMORE: I know who you are, boy. What you are. I know that everything you have you took from me. So... Once again I ask you: Why are you here?
BEN: I'm here, Charles, to tell you that I'm going to kill your daughter. Penelope, is it? And once she's gone... once she's dead... then you'll understand how I feel. And you'll wish you hadn't changed the rules.

Ben issues a threat to Widmore. A cold exchange between two mortal enemies, made creepier by the lighting.

9. The raft is launched
(Season 1, Episode 23 – Exodus part one)

I think the pictures speak enough for this one. Great moment. Doesn't your heart just break when Vincent swims after them?

8. Mad Mike’s double homicide
(Season 2, Episode 20 – Two For The Road)

Ana Lucia is unable to kill Ben. Michael asks Ana Lucia for the gun, because he’ll do it. Then he turns the gun back on Ana and shoots her. Libby walks in at just the wrong time, and Michael shoots her too. He lets Ben free and turns the gun on himself. A classic LOST twist that really comes out of nowhere to shock you.

7. Desmond calls Penny
(Season 4, Episode 5 - The Constant)

DESMOND: I love you, Penny. I've always loved you. I'm so sorry. I love you!
PENNY: I love you too.
DESMOND: I don't know where I am, but--
PENNY: I'll find you, Des--
DESMOND: --I promise--
PENNY: --no matter what--
DESMOND: --I'll come back to you--
PENNY: --I won't give up--
BOTH: I promise. I love you.

Desmond finally gets to contact Penny when Sayid repairs the radio room long enough for Desmond to find his Constant and stop his brain exploding. A dramatic and emotional union between one of the shows best couples.

6. “We have to go back!”
(Season 3, Episode 22 – Through The Looking Glass)

JACK: I've been flying a lot.
KATE: What?
JACK: That golden pass that they gave us. I've been using it. Every Friday night I, I fly from LA to Tokyo or, Singapore, Sydney. And then I, I get off and I, have a drink, and then I fly home.
KATE: Why?
JACK: Because I want it to crash, Kate. I don't care about anybody else on board. Every little bump we hit or turbulence, I mean I, I actually close my eyes and I pray that I can get back.
KATE: This is not gonna change.
JACK: No, I'm sick of lying. We made a mistake.
KATE: I have to go. He's gonna be wondering where I am...
JACK: We were not supposed to leave.
KATE: Yes, we were.
JACK: We have to go back, Kate. We have to go back!!

It's the scene that changed the show's direction for good, as a drugged up Jack meets up with Kate and tells her he wants to go back to the a FLASHFORWARD! the scene is a perfect end to the season - confusing, surprising and also rather eerie.

5. Locke sees the light
(Season 1, Episode 19 – Deus Ex Machina)

LOCKE: I’ve done everything that you asked me to do so why did you do this to me??

Beginning with a flashback to Locke confronting his father over his stolen kidney, the scene cuts to a defeated Locke sobbing at the hatch. All of a sudden, a light turns on. Emotional and intense.

4. The initial crash site
(Season 1, Episode 1 – Pilot part one)

The very first scene of the very first episode. Jack walks onto the crash site to see a chaotic scene. People are injured, people are running round, and the deafening noise from the plane engine still going drowns them out. Jack gets to work and saves as many people as he can. It’s a scene full of action that hooked many viewers instantly.

3. The Others bomb the raft
(Season 1, Episode 24 – Exodus part two)

TOM: What are you folks doing this far out here?
MICHAEL: We were -- the plane crashed. We were on the Island for months, man.
TOM: Plane crash, huh? Well, how about that?
MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah, we survived and there's a whole group of people on the...
TOM: Well, ain't that something?
TOM: Only, the thing is, we're going to have to take the boy.
MICHAEL: What? What'd you say?
TOM: The boy, we're going to have to take him.

As season one draws to a close, the raft crew catch up with another boat that will surely rescue them. However, it soon emerges the people on the boat are actually the Others. They shoot Sawyer, beat up Michael and kidnap Walt. A shocking twist made creepier by the sudden change in atmosphere.

2. Desmond makes his own kind of music
(Season 2, Episode 1 – Man Of Science, Man Of Faith)

The scene begins with a stranger doing his normal daily routine in his house (?). At first, we don’t know where we are, or how it’s relevant, but then when Desmond goes to investigate an explosion from above, we see we are in the Hatch. A great reveal that was so good the trick was repeated for the season 3 opener.

1. Don’t tell Locke what he can’t do!
(Season 1, Episode 4 - Walkabout)

AGENT: The Walkabouts we arrange here are not just some stroll through the park. It's trekking across vast stretches of desert, rafting bloody treacherous waters.
LOCKE: Look, you've got no idea who you're talking to. I'm well aware of what's involved, believe me. I probably know more than you on the subject.
AGENT: In any case, it's a trying ordeal for someone in peak physical condition, let alone …
LOCKE: Look, I booked this tour a month ago, you've already got my money. Now, I demand a place on that bus.
AGENT: You misrepresented yourself …
LOCKE: I never lied.
AGENT: By omission, Mr. Locke. You neglected to tell us about your condition.
LOCKE: My condition is not an issue. I've lived with it for 4 years. It's never kept me from doing anything.
AGENT: Look, unfortunately it is an issue for our insurance company. I can't keep the bus waiting any longer. It isn't fair to the other people.
LOCKE: Hey, don't talk to me about fair.
AGENT: I can get you on a plane back to Sydney on our dime. That's the best I can do.
LOCKE: No. I don't want to go back to Sydney. Look I've been preparing for this for years. Just put me on the bus, right now, I can do this.
AGENT: No, you can't.
LOCKE: Hey, hey, don't you walk away from me. [The wheelchair reveal]. You don't know who you're dealing with. Don't ever tell me what I can't do, ever. This is destiny. This is destiny. This is my destiny. (yelling) I'm supposed to do this, dammit. Don't tell me what I can't do. Don't tell me what I can't...

Locke is angry that he doesn’t get to go on a Walkabout because he is in a wheelchair, and is left behind, angrily shouting at the tour Agent about his destiny. It’s the original LOST WTF moment, a surprising and unique twist which is also has heavy emotional power. As with all great scenes, it gives previous scenes - such as Locke staring at his toes – new meaning.

Thanks for reading.