Sunday, 19 April 2009

Should Sarah Palin be allowed to eat where you eat? by Percehonson

Surreal randomness at it's best, with Perce and Rose both on top form. People tried to make these style threads a regular thing for a while, but they weren't as successful because they couldn't match the spontaneity of this one.

PERCEHONSON: I don't think she should be allowed. She should die in a fire and stay out of everyones affairs if you ask me. She can't keep her eyes to herself. KEEP HER OUT OF OUR RESTAURANTS!!!! We do not need a nosy bitch telling us how to eat! This is America, it's not Alaska. We pay for food, I should be able to do with it as I please. Palin is worse than the old people. Go back to Alaska bitch.

If you go out to eat and decide to throw a roll at one of your friends heads Sarah Palin will have the manager come to her table and she will try to get him to kick you out. She needs to be banned from places so she can't cause drama.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when Sarah Palin comes up behind me in McDonalds and pinches one of my fries from over my shoulder. If she just asked if she could take one I would probably tell her to go right ahead... but it's just her assumption that I'm gonna be cool with it that bugs me. Because it's not just a one off thing, she does it to me pretty much every time I'm in there. What makes What makes it worse is that she's generally wearing just her underwear when she does it and has lipstick smeared all over her face.

PERCEHONSON: That's *beep* up. It's that kind of thing that makes her so repulsive. Man, I can't stand it when she orders like ten pizzas and charges them to the state of Alaska and then ends up throwing out like eight of them. It's such a waste of taxpayers dollars.

ROSE BEAVER: I don't like it when she marches into the kitchen and starts telling the McDonalds staff what to do. "Flip those burgers higher" and "Put your hands in boiling fat" she screams. Pffffft - like she has any experience running a McDonalds.

PERCEHONSON: I remember one time she made her kids clean up McDonalds. She tricked them into thinking it was fun by saying the toilet bowl cakes were like hockey pucks and they got to slapshot them into the urinals. The staff really appreciated it until she leaned over the counter and took two hundred dollars out the cash register.

ROSE BEAVER: Her behaviour is even more bizarre in Burger King. She stands for hours staring at the flames on the grill, just laughing her ass off. And when it comes to closing time, she insists all the cardboard crowns are burnt on the grill because "the naughty boys and girls of tomorrow don't deserve them".

PERCEHONSON: That "children are our downfall" thing she talks about sometimes is really creepy. I don't think she should be allowed to purchase gasoline within six miles of a school.

ROSE BEAVER: I heard she once disguised herself as a school to spy on children. Nobody was fooled though because she couldn't keep a straight face whilst in the guise.

MISTERLOPAN: Whenever Sarah Palin comes over to my house uninvited and drunk on weeknights, she never wipes her feet and always tracks moose blood on the carpet. Then she sticks her nosy nose in my business, telling me that my houseplants need more water, and I really should have them in direct sunlight. I tell her that they are lowlight plants and they look better in this corner anyway, but she says that Alaska is full of plants and they all live in trees so just trust her.

I almost got into an accident on the highway once because Sarah Palin was throwing dead squirrels from an overpass into oncoming traffic. She said the squirrels needed a lift back up to Alaska, where they would be much happier.

PERCEHONSON: I remember that too. I was one of the unfortunate ones that day. I had just got done grocery shopping and was heading down the highway when something hit my windshield and caused me to lose control of my car. I ran off the road and hit a tree. I was knocked out and when I woke up Sarah Palin was in my backseat doing CPR on the loaf of bread I had just purchased.

THE TOKER: The Toker wonders why you couldn't find a patrolman to help at the scene of your accident? Has she had them all fired?

PERCEHONSON: They were too busy jumping in front of semi trucks so that the law making it illegal not to get over for stopped emergency and law enforcement vehicles would be enacted.

MISTERLOPAN: Sarah Palin and I used to work at the county park together. After picking up the morning trash (or as Sarah Palin would do, simply dump it into the river) we would go get some breakfast sandwiches at a nearby deli. She would buy a styrofoam cup of macaroni and cheese and then we'd drive to the end of the dock, where she would throw all the macaroni on the ground and wait for the seagulls to and eat it. Hiding behind the truck, she would time it so as the gulls were flying away, she would run up from behind and try to jump and grab onto one of the birds legs and fly to Europe. Mostly she just ended up in the river though. We kept a change of clothes in the glove compartment for her.

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once put me under house arrest for 6 weeks because I refused to get down on one knee and kiss her diamond ring. She then disguised herself as a scarecrow and stood in my garden for 6 weeks to ensure that I didn't leave my home. She claims that she it wasn't her, but once the 6 weeks were up the scarecrow disappeared and left a trail of muddy footprints leading to her castle.

MISTERLOPAN: One thing I'll never understand is why she had the entire west wing of that castle constructed out of Rice Krispies squares. It will only attract the most desperate variety of vagrants.

CAUGHT IN A NET: desperate vagrants and small children who become lost in the forest. perhaps she is luring them intentionally with her west wing of sweets so that she can cook them and feast on their flesh!

ROSE BEAVER: Sarah Palin once attempted to fund the assassination of Snap and Crackle because she claimed "Pop was the only one who made any sort of sense".

PERCEHONSON: Pop, huh? That sounds like the kind of 1950's throwback stuff Sarah likes. I remember I was at a car show and Sarah showed up in a beautiful classic Chevy Nomad. There was a fancy Persian rug rolled up in the backseat and it kept making muffled noises and shaking. She tried to say the carpet was magic but everyone knew she had her husband in there again.

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