Poster impressions...do me! do me!

The recent re-emergence of the troll with many names (Hot-Jok, AuntieDena72, Rocker65, BringingDownTheBarracks) reminded me of one of his most famous troll threads. The thread was an absolute riot. It reached 400 posts in a matter of hours, mostly off-topic banter, but I didn't have the space to save them all.

Rocker65

This board is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen

I'm not suggesting that talking about Lost on a message board is bad. Hell, I don't even care about off topics that much. But you guys who are here every *beep* day! Seriously what the *beep*?
And you talk about the same stuff and make the same stupid jokes!

Hey, I know, I'll ask a question, and then thank people in advance!!!
Hahah that's really funny!!

Or, I'll quote some stupid random line from Lost and call it a meme!! WOw we are the kings of comedy!

This place is so predictable. Here's how the rest of the responses will go.

Flowerlord: Som etime sIwonder

Ze Salesman (or whatever retarded name he is this week): beep beep Richie

Tuuls: Just don't come here then! Oh by the way anyone want to talk about my broken ankle??

BishFiscuit: [sad5]

Ankiel: What's new on the (insert board I may have visited once before here) board? (OMG THAT'S SUCH A FUNNY COMEBACK!!!)

Nana: I don't want to talk about this, instead I want to ask some personal question to everyone on the board and label it OT, because I'm DYING to here everyone's opinion!!

Cornchunk: Wow! Ankiel answered! This is the best day of my life!

Ze Salesman (again): Don't you have something to mop up?

Ben the Ripper: To get everyone's attention, I'm going to call you fat and threaten to murder you! That will get the board to give me the love I so desperately crave!

srstone: This thread is funny, but enough about you. Let's talk about all the sports teams I like!

Steak: I don't know my son's name so I'll just call him the boy!

MissMorticia: I can't wait to get to post 69 and flaunt my amazing intellect to everyone!

QOS: A couple of guys jumped Mark Silverman (HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS QUOTE! BECAUSE JACK SAID IT TO HIS DAD!)

Some random wannabe poster: Shoulda Stayed Down Chack!!

Rose_Beaver: That's a funny response because Jack sounds like Chack! Do you SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????

And so forth....


Ben The Ripper
You are fat and I want to murder you. Give me the love I so desperately crave.

nEcRiiD
cool story bro

SuperN Lostie
original, dude.
not that it matters, but i'm pretty sure most of us have menial boring day jobs which allows us to post on msg boards for at least 8 hours straight. one of those people is me. do you seeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Thanks in Advance.

Bitchez McSteve
Good post. Now I am just curious as to who you're a sock puppet of, ya know? Since you were too scared to post this on your regular account.

Is that you, Sugar?

Bruce Campbell For Lost
There's nothing wrong with any of that.

Ghost_Of_Third_Island
Sock account: kudos, sir.
Not a sock account: scary lurker

HesOurEwe
Shoulda stayed down Chack!

Cornchunk
You seem to know us pretty well.

Srstone71
I definitely think this is a sock. Probably someone who wishes they were noticed more often and changed their account status or something to this name.
But enough about this thread. How about the victories for the Celtics and Bruins last night??

Cornchunk
Where the f'ck is ankiel!!!???!?!

Mikhails_Eyepatch
This begs the question of how you know all of this information about the posters. The only explanation is that you spend way too much time on this board, which makes you a huge hypocrite. So, please, have a nice day, and shut the hell up.

generic_squeegee
You seem to know everyone and how they operate pretty well, and yet you left me off! Screw you buddy, I'm a vital cog here probably! Also, watch my movies, you stupid bastards! http://www.youtube.com/user/genericsqueegee

Steak4241
I know my son's name.
It's Austin.
See?

Bitchez McSteve
I won't lie, his shout-out to you made me lol.

Steak4241
Me too.
I usually don't get mentioned in these rants.

AquarianGuy2
Alot of people didn't get their fiber this morning at all.

Rocker65
You guys are so pathetic. I've been lurking and posting under other ids for years. Who's? That doesn't matter now. They have been ignored for years so why should you care. All I can say is that I can keep going. I can give common responses for almost everyone here.

Bruce Campbell For LOST
Do me!

Rocker65
Knowing you, that post has nothing to do with the subject of the thread. You just always need to say it.

Bruce Campbell For LOST
No, that's not me. That sucked. Try again.

Rocker65
Ok, how about "I'm a girl but I talk about things like boobies, and farts and *beep* because it makes me sound hillarious!!!!!"

Bruce Campbell For LOST
No, that sucks, too.

Cornchunk
You've obviously done your homework, son.

TakeYourLunchPhil
Don't you have something to mop up?

Giraffe Monster
Do me too!
I guess I could be credited alongside MissM.

generic squeegee
Wait, wait wait...so you've been lurking here for years, to the point where you know who everyone is and exactly what their responses would be to a creepy degree of accuracy, but we're the pathetic ones? Now I just feel bad for you. But you still forgot me, so drink a bucket of AIDS.

Muldernscully
Quote:I can give common responses for almost everyone here.

Cool! Me, next! Me, next!

QoS007
Quote: I've been lurking and posting under other ids for years.

...and we're the pathetic ones?

whiteShadow00
Why does my meme have to be said by some random wannabe poster?

Cornchunk
If the shoe fits......
BURN!!!!1111!!!!!

guamcasey
**CUE GAY ASS TROMBONE**

Rocker65
Oh cue gay ass trombone. That's a good one!
How many of you are fantasizing about that daniel cribb kid right now?
Oh wait! Nevermind! Let's create a Boone meme instead! That will be so fun!
But wait we can't we don't have memes in Iraq we have reeds!!!!!!!!!!
Oh by teh way IT MAKES SENSE!!!!!!!!1

OMG THIS IS THE MOST POST EVER!!!

Ben The Ripper
Oh my guam, you're just like us! ^__^

TakeYourLunchPhil
YOUR THE ONE WHO HATES YOURSELF.

theFragile75
Rocker, why are you so angry?

Ghost_Of_Third_Island
He's a regular Freddie Wilson, that one.

elegant Audrey
If that's a veiled criticism at me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it.

Culwin
See that link called "Ignore this User" ?
Try it, you'll like it.

TakeYourLunchPhil
You're not as observant as you think. I only say Beep Beep, Richie if someone says *beep*.

theFragile75
Don't you have something to mop up?

TakeYourLunchPhil
What's it look like we're doing? We're shooting things.

Rocker65
I just realized I never even mentioned the pregnant Lesbian. She sucks too

Ghost_Of_Third_Island
You also forgot to mention the poster who tried to start some threads awhile ago in hopes of being noticed. Then got extremely sad about it when no one cared and decided to start a mean thread to get attention.

BitchezMcSteve
Who's the pregnant lesbian?

Bruce Campbell For LOST
I think he meant ZigMa, but she's not pregnant or lesbian.

Bitchez McSteve
Are we sure?

ZigzMomma
Val, thanks for thinkin' of me. And Steve. Eat schit and die.

generic squeegee
So are you the pregnant lesbian? I'm so confused. And hurt. Guy didn't even answer my simple question. I hope it burns when he pees.

ZigzMomma
Definitely NOT me.

Bitchez McSteve
Fine.

Rocker65
No I mean that chick who got pregnant when she cheated on her girlfriend with a dude.
Then she told everyone all about it.

Bitchez McSteve
I don't think Jaytrix had a girlfriend

Sawyer90
I wouldn't have thought he had the proper equipment.

Bitchez McSteve
Have you kind of turned into a lurker, ol' buddy ol' pal?

Sawyer90
Meh, I still visit here often enough but don't post as much. I haven't been on all weekend, I was busy watching Scotland get raped by Holland. :(

AquarianGuy2
That sounds like a good orgy to me.

Sawyer90
It wasn't. I felt rather ill afterwards. What's the point of orgies anyway? You're basically just multiplying the number of people you won't be able to look in the eye afterwards.

Bitchez McSteve
That sucks. How is Scotland looking for SA 2010?

Sawyer90
Not too good, we have to win every game from now on. Sounds easy enough, except we have to play Holland again. If we don't qualify then my plans for visiting SA in 2010 will be dead in the water.

Bitchez McSteve
Oh you were gonna go ? That would be awesome.

VVMini
It wasn't that bad. We got like 4 chances and 3 of them went in. We played nowhere near as good as we could play. Robben was uncatchable though.

Sawyer90
I was waiting on you showing up. Yes, the Dutch players are class. But I thought Robben should have been sent off for that pathetic dive, then writhing around on the ground like he'd stood on a landmine. Also, we had an absolutely perfect goal disallowed. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Other than that, you were the better team.

VVMini
Yes it was a clear goal, although the referee did blew his whistle when the ball was midway in the air. Still don't know what for. Don't think it would've made a difference, but it was kinda sucky for you guys. And yes, Robben is a diver, always been, although he's learning to control it now. Sometimes his old nature comes crawling up. He's such a great player if he doesn't dive.

Sawyer90
Well I think our goal would have slowed play down and changed the game completely. Let's face it, 2-1 looks a lot more respectable than 3-0. Maybe Holland will do us a favour and destroy Norway?

Sakujo
I can't argue your general point, but some of those folks are good peoples IMHO. But i guess it's in the eye of the beholder.

Steak4241
General Point! [salutes]

LockesNoose
us newbee's are always left out, but moma says i'll be pathetic someday!

AquarianGuy2
This thread will officially be funny if Miss M gets post 69. It will seal the deal so to speak.

Giraffe Monster
Sorry, didn't happen!

AquarianGuy2
It's okay. As long as one of you two get it. It's just that she was mentioned, specifically.

Miss Morticia
Honestly, when's the last time I even tried for a 69?

Geronimo Jackson Five
I'm not on your list? Eff you, OP.

Candall
Yeah, it hurt my feelings a little bit, too.

Diluculum
Aww, feeling left out?

Rocker65
OMG THESE PARDOY POSTS ABOUT ME ARE SO *beep* FUNNY!!!!

QoS007
Beep beep, Richie.

Diluculum
it makes sense

Geronimo Jackson Five
What's a PARDOY?

Rocker65
You want more impressions?? I got them!

MulderNScully: Hey everyone! I don't drink, but I make up for it by being obsessed with X-Files!

Geronimo Jackson Five: I just showed up recently, but I apparently used to post here years ago so that makes me so cool!!!

Candall: I think I'm so much smarter than anyone else here because I talk with such a high intellect!

All the girls here I didn't mention: If we talk about guy stuff, we can fit in at this board so much better!!

Candall
I talk how I talk, TheManFromTallahassee. Or is it Vincent Toomey? Either way, sorry you can't keep up.

Bitchez McSteve
Not TheManFromTallahassee, at least. He's this guy http://www.imdb.com/user/ur5355280/boards/profile/, and I don't think he would make a sock puppet to diss people, he's usually good at being a prick on his regular account. But who knows, this is the LOST board, anything's possible!!!!!111

Hes Our Robot
TheManFromTallahassee/Shadow seems quite unlikely to do this with a sock account, and certainly seems unlikely to feel that the board hasn't noticed him.

Candall
Yeah, you guys are right. Plus, he would have called me Papa Smurf or something. I'm pretty sure it's Sam/Vincent Toomey.

generic_squeegee
Because you're Communist?

Candall
Yes, but bear in mind that's only his opinion.

Bitchez McSteve
Do me... please, my god.

Margaery Tyrell
That's what she said.

Rocker65
I'm a pathetic detroit sports fan who likes the worst sports team ever put together! I say I make up for it by liking hockey, but when you're a fan of the worst sports team of all time you can't make up for *beep*

Bitchez McSteve
I love you

Ghost_Of_Third_Island
--- ---, Richie
(chat room shout out)

Muldernscully
Quote: MulderNScully: Hey everyone! I don't drink, but I make up for it by being obsessed with X-Files!

Score! FYI, It's a lowercase ns. Only the 'M' is capitalized in my username.

TakeYourLunchPhil
That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.

Geronimo Jackson Five
^ On a submarine, ya dork!

Valenzetti
Why am I never mentioned in a list? I've been posting on this board for something like 2 years now. I'm pathetic too!!! NOTICE ME GODDAMMIT!!!

Ghost_Of_Third_Island
Yoda, why you bein a playa hate-a?
You know that I must confront Lord Vader
But Luke, not ready are you
There's a city in the clouds where they're keepin my crew!

Geronimo Jackson Five
Knock 'em out the box, Luke... knock 'em out the box!

Hes Our Robot
Those guys should be ashame of their self for taking and having the time to write stupid joke. Also vandalizing IMDb property.

Bish-Fiscuit
[sad5]

Maidmarcia
Oooo do me do me!

Hes Our Acolyte
Did you get forgotten too marcia?

VVMini
The beautiful ones always get left behind

Hes Our Acolyte
Fine then! We'll start our own thread! With blackjack! And hookers! You know what, forget the blackjack!

HesOurEwe
Will there be punch & pie?

VVMini
Yes, but there will not be any coffee.

Hes Our Acolyte
MO PEOPLE WILL COME IF WE SAY WE HAVE PUNCH AND PAAH!

Kimmeister
I have 5/8 of a lemon meringue pie at home, do you guys want some?

Candall
Do you have some sort of chart that tells you the exact fraction or something?